Moving On

I do not normally have dreams, much less remember what happens in the few I have. However, I remember a few dreams I have been having these past nights, and they continue to heat up and point to something that may be going on in my head. I know I have been feeling uneasy, but these dreams just make things worse. They’re all about my ex.

 

We broke up about 3 months ago after a period of happy dating then a forceful crash. I do not know yet how this happened. I was used to dreaming of him, but that was back then. I did not imagine I would dream of him again, let alone in the way my dreams came to me. It’s not that I disliked them but that they shocked me and I do not need them.

 

The first dream was last week. We were sitting on his living room, chatting, then suddenly we began to make out. It was soft and romantic and first then it sped up to something more steamy and passionate. I really liked the feel of the dream. I did not remember the dream after I woke up, but instead I remembered hours after, while walking to work. I just laughed.

 

We have not seen each other since the breakup, and so I do not think I am ready to see him yet again. However, he’s kept showing up in my dreams uninvited. Back when we dated, it was normal to have sexual dreams involving him. I remember one where I jerked him off on my bed and he came a huge, warm load over my face, then I sucked on his cock. After a bit, we had rough sex on my bed. I loved that dream.

 

In another dream, we were in my room and it was dark, and we just began to make out. Make out dreams were always more common than sexual ones. I really liked kissing him. I remember another dream where he just gave me head but I did not get to the end of that one, or I just could not recall.

 

A few days ago I had another new dream. This time, it began as it usually does with our making out, we were in a room somewhere. He began to undress me slowly, which was weird taking in consideration I always undressed him, at least in real life. He slowly kissed my body all the way up to my neck, knowing it is my weak spot. He was being very romantic, so unlike him.

 

When things were shaping up I woke up, however, to a disappointing bed bare of any lover to fulfill what my body was craving at the moment. I sighed and went back to sleep, no more dreams that night. I constantly think about these dreams that began to haunt me and make me believe things are still fine. I wonder where our time went. At least in dreams there was no fighting whatsoever.

 

I remember an old dream about having a date, we went to have dinner together. Most of my dreams involving him were usually innocent, except for some like for example the one where we showered together then had sex in the shower. I just remembered that one as I wrote this, and it turned me on. We never really did shower together in real life, though.

 

The next dream I remember vividly was just two nights ago. We were in a car this time, driving around and listening to some of our favorite albums, then we stopped at a hill to make out. I did not like how cliché this dream was, but I enjoyed it nevertheless. We made out for a good while, just like I like it, and after a while we began to undress.

 

He bent down sitting next to me in the car, then undid my pants slowly to take my dick out and suck on it. He sucked it very sensually as he salivated my entire shaft with his tongue, fitting in a few loving kisses here and there. He continued, making my subcon self moan in pleasure. After a while, I bent down to do the same to him.

 

He did not have the biggest cock, but it was fat and just enough. I did like everything about him. He caressed my hair as I went up and down his shaft, sucking his dick just the way he liked it. He always complimented the way I gave head, but I cannot quite describe that. The dream continued like this, until I pulled his dick out of my mouth to reach for his face and kiss him.

 

It was very romantic. We continued to make out as the sun set in the horizon, then suddenly, I woke up. It was already day time and that alone made me angry enough, but being kicked out of such a good dream like that was bothersome. I just went back to sleep, not wanting to do anything during the day. I was both upset and sad now.

 

These dreams made me miss him a lot, and I just wanted to at least talk to him again. I had doubts that needed to be solved, and I was sure my dreams would not solve these. They were just a distraction, or were they trying to convey a message to me? If so, I believe it is a measurement of my horniness, and since I have not gone out with anybody else during this entire time, at his difference I assume, my brain took the freshest experience and used it to please and sadden me at the same time.

 

By now, I really felt like I missed him and wanted to be with him again, but I knew better. Not because these dreams depict a happy relationship mean we can be back and happy again. He shattered my trust by lying and ignoring me for days on end, then popping up as if he had done nothing. I grew tired of it in due time, but maybe my brain did not.

 

Then last night’s dream. That must be like my favorite yet, but maybe I say this of every new dream involving him. In the dream, we were playing in a pool at somebody’s house, then we began to make out in the pool then we got out of it to be able to fuck more comfortably. He laid down on a chair then I slowly took off his swimming trunks to reveal a nice, fat and hard cock that I swallowed whole almost instantly. After blowing me off with his gorgeous face, I told him I really liked him.

 

And he believed in every world without reluctance, unlike his real self. Sitting on the chair, he fucked me as if I was some sort of sex toy, going in and hard without control. I remember from my dream the sounds of his pelvis clapping against my butt, a sound that turned me on like crazy even in dreams. It was very hot and steamy and one of my first real wet dreams. Involving him.

 

The dream went on as I pulled his dick out of me then began fucking him right there on the lawn chair, making him moan loudly. We did not care about someone coming, but everything seemed to be empty anyway. It was one of these dreams where you’re completely alone in the world as if the planet was bare. It was good to delete everybody else for a while to be with him.

 

We continued to fuck, switching roles over and over, something that was not true in real life. After a while, he came into my mouth, making me gag with the amount of semen. Then, I jerked off over him and after realizing for the 5^th time no one was around, I just came a big load over him, covering his nipples and getting his wave 3.

 

After some time of making out, I woke up in true disgust because this had been my best dream with him, but it was only that, a dream. It made me miss him even more, and I wanted him back with me. Just wanting that was a painful mistake, because I am sure he is not returning to me ever. That was bothersome because I did believe he liked me like he said he did. I did trust him and he repaid for my feelings by lying and leaving.

 

These dreams were both painful and full of pleasure. Painful because they reminded me of the shit he did to me, but pleasurable because they also reminded me of the good times and how much I liked him. I was caught in the middle and even so if my dreams were expressing that I still lusted for him, I knew it good that he would never be good for me.

 

Sometimes, moving on is the hardest part.