Unusual

I had liked him for years, this one guy I met in the place I used to work at. Even though I stopped working there, we remained friends. Good friends, indeed. He introduced me to his other friends and slowly but surely, I felt like I was integrated into this sort of group, I was part of something new, and I had him to thank for it. Now, I never understood (And still don’t) why, in the first place, this guy decided to include me in his circle of friends and, thus, his daily life. However, what I knew was that I liked him. A lot.

Or so I thought. I knew I had feelings for him, but my fear of rejection and to potentially end such a good friendship kept me from talking about it to him, so I just kept things on the down low, enjoying our friendship. This guy is very dense, so he probably never got the hint, but I surely wasn’t subtle about it sometimes. As time went by, and our friendship continued to grow, I felt more and more feelings growing inside of me. I tried to suppress them, like I do with most feelings, by trying to negate them, lie to myself, go out with other guys and pretend I had crushes on them… to ultimately come around to square one, the same guy I had liked for almost two years now and was too dumb to confess to.

Time went on and I became a mess about this, right after accepting my love for him. Where did these feelings come from? What did he do for me to fall so hard? I still don’t know, but I knew I was really into him. Suddenly I became warmer towards him, and started to plan the unthinkable: telling him how I felt. The idea terrorized me, but I knew that was something I had to do; keeping all these feelings inside of me would do no good. I agonized trying to come up with a plan, a date, a moment, just to tell him. Then I realized that panicking so much would do no good; I had to tell him plain and simple.

And so the day to tell him came. I was extremely nervous, so much that even typing on my phone was dreadful. I just wanted to get it over with, put my feelings out there, and get my heart broken as usual. I was just expecting the worst. So I finally texted him that I liked him, and that regardless of the outcome, I wanted to tell him that. He was speechless, apparently, for a while, and did say he was very very happy. I was absolutely shocked at this revelation, at this outcome that was absolutely unexpected. After a while, after he was able to collect his thoughts, he told me he felt this was very unexpected in a good way but that he felt the same way about me, then I asked him to be my boyfriend. He said yes, happily, and that was just the beginning…

Our relationship has its ups and downs, he’s still very dense about these things, but I am very happy, and try to make him happy too. There is nothing that would make me happier, of course, than making him happy myself. So it’s a fulfilling relationship, a sort of pure, a mix of childish and romantic, innocent, that I had never had or felt before. It’s sort of electric, his charm, his intelligence, he is just so attractive to me. I can’t seem to get enough of him, and at days where he is more affectionate than usual, softer, mellower, sweeter… I overflow and feel like I am floating. Something I had never felt before… is it love?

And I can’t imagine being without him either. I can’t imagine another face, another voice, another sense of humor, another body… he is all I want and I wonder, am I all he wants as well? Am I enough for him? I guess many people in relationships feel these kind of insecurities, but I do try to put these behind me for the sake of our relationship’s health, I trust him. And even if he has quirks and details, I wouldn’t change him, or this feeling, for anything in the world.