[F20] i touched myself in his car while he watched

i probably shouldn’t even be writing this but i can’t stop thinking about it

i wasn’t planning to do anything with him

it was just supposed to be a late night drive. he picked me up behind the dorms. i told my friends i was going to the library. i don’t even know why i lied

we parked in this dark lot near the soccer field. the kind of spot people only go to if they’re hooking up or smoking, not somewhere i belonged

for a while we just sat there with the music low. i kept checking my phone like i had somewhere to be. but really i was just nervous

then he looked at me.. not in a sweet way, but like he already knew what i was thinking

“you’re so fidgety,” he said. “what, you’re not wearing anything under that?” he joked

i didn’t answer. just bit my lip and looked out the window

he leaned back with a glean in his eyes and smiled “prove it.”

my heart was pounding. i could’ve said no. i thought about it. but instead i just… shifted my thighs apart a little

then a little more

and i started touching myself

i wasn’t trying to be sexy or slow about it. i was already soaked. maybe because he wasn’t doing anything. just watching. like i was a show when i came, i covered my mouth with my sleeve. i came so fast it was embarrassing..

i don’t think he even blinked

now every time i think about it, i get this feeling in my chest. like shame and hunger mixed together

and now i can’t stop thinking about doing it again. or letting someone else watch next time.