Grey at the temples

I’ve always kinda had a thing for guys who are older than me, and recently i had an experience that i know u older guys are gonna love hearing about. he was 51. i found out his age when he texted me the morning after and i literally said it out loud to my empty apartment like. oh. OH. and then i thought about it for another twenty minutes while i was still sore and decided that was maybe the hottest thing that had ever happened to me

we matched and i could tell from his profile he was older but i didn’t realize HOW much older until we were sitting across from each other at a bar and he had this whole like. greyness to him. grey at his temples, the kind of forearms that come from actually doing things with your life, and he just looked at me the way older men look at you sometimes where you know they’ve already decided something

he didn’t ask me a lot of questions. that was the first thing. younger guys ask so many questions. he mostly just told me what was going to happen and i sat there with my drink getting warm pretending i wasn’t already ruined

he said “you’re going to be very good tonight” and i almost choked

i said something like “you don’t even know me yet” and he said “i know enough” and reader i went home with him immediately

the age gap thing is hard to explain to people who don’t feel it the way i feel it. it’s not like i have a daddy thing exactly, it’s more that someone who’s lived more than you, who’s seen more, who has no reason to perform for you, they just. they take up more space. there’s nothing frantic about them. he wasn’t trying to impress me and it made me feel like i was the one who had to earn something

which obviously destroyed me

anyway we got to his place and he was not gentle and i did not ask him to be. he had my wrists held down before i could say anything useful and he was talking the whole time, this low quiet voice, not loud, just constant. kept calling me “young” like that was my name. kept saying things like “you don’t know what to do with yourself, do you” and “bet you’ve never had someone who actually knew what they wanted with you”

which. accurate. embarrassingly accurate.

and then it got to the part where i was basically incoherent and he slowed down on purpose and made me ask

“tell me what you want”

and i said something that was not words

“use your voice”

so i said it. i said i want you to cum in me. he made me say it again. i said please. he said “please what” and i said please cum in me and he just. waited. looked at me. and i heard myself say it again, louder, with more feeling than i have expressed about anything in recent memory, full please i want your cum please please i want you to fill me up

and he smiled. not a young person smile. this old patient “i knew that” smile

and he said “yeah you do”

and then he did and i loved feeling every drop of it fill me up

and then i texted my friend about it at 2am and she sent me nine question marks in a row and i said yeah, i know, and then i went to sleep in his bed while he watched something in the other room like a man who has absolutely nothing to prove to anyone.