Diary Entry

22/7/2001

It’s been 7 years, and I am still stuck in this relationship. It was really happy and fulfilling in the beginning, but now it is only fear and abuse. I really cannot pinpoint where the relationship went wrong, but I knew I only wanted 2 things. For it to either end or be back to when it was good. I began to write this diary because I do not know where else deposit my feelings. My husband, Victor, had become cold and uncaring. I suppose his true colors began to shine once we were well into the relationship.

Victor used to be a wonderful husband. We knew we were in love in our first date, but I do not know where that love vanished to. I want it back. Everybody in my family approved of our relationship and he gets along well with my family, and I get along well with his. Everything was too good, too dreamlike, but I never imagined things would go downhill like this.

He does not physically abuse me, but verbally and emotionally. He became distant, and the trust I had on him began to diminish little by little. I have not told my family about this, but his strange behavior began around 3 years ago, on a trip to China. Could it be that he is bored of our marriage now? Maybe he is cheating on me with someone else? All the anxiety piled up in my head.

My distorted thoughts did not help. There was too much going on, and besides, I also had house chores to take care of and continue with my happy wife façade. I am terrified to approach my husband on why he’s changed, I feel he is just going to abuse me more and probably get worse.

24/7/2001

Writing on the diary functions as a kind of therapeutic way for me to deal with my stressful marriage. Speaking about that, I have thought of going to couple’s therapy with my husband, but I do not know how to approach the topic while talking to him. He made dinner yesterday, which was a very unusual event. I never expected it.

I tried cuddling to him and he just said he was not in the mood. Apparently, he is never in the mood. I am not willing to take harsh decisions unless I have clear answers as to why his behavior towards me changed, because I would never be willing to walk out of a relationship of 7 years without proper knowledge.

He told me some of his colleagues from work are coming over tonight, so we bought some beers and meat for a barbeque. He seems to act cheerfully and warmly around others, but not myself. Pretty much like I set the façade of happy wife, he assumed a façade of happy and fulfilled husband. I do not know how he is able to manage.

25/7/2001

It has been a while since I last saw my husband, Victor, laugh so much. Last night was a rare occasion, in which I was able to look at his pretty smile again. I had totally forgotten, but Victor is a very charming man. Maybe this explains how I fell for him in the first place.

I miss to have sex with him. The last time we had sex was around 2 months ago. Previously, we would have sex almost every night after he came back from work. He had a way of making my insides twirl like no other lover could ever manage to do. I remember on a trip to Spain a few years back, how he sensually fucked me on our last night staying at the hotel.

I was reading some books on bed, and he walked out of the shower and surprised me by gently starting to massage me from behind. He sad over my back, his penis getting harder as he continued to massage. After a few moments, he plunged into my ass without prior notice. I just let him do as he wished with my body.

Then he pulled out, and flipped me on the bed, then fucked me on the pussy. He is not the most well hung guy, but he is fit and is very good at pleasing my holes. When he was about to come, he jerked off over my face, then laying his hot cum over my face. The entire setting was dreamy, the following morning I could not tell if it had been real or what.

I miss his body and how he fucked me like a girl in pornographic movies! That’s maybe one of the things I missed the most…

28/7/2001

Today was a shocking day. I decided to talk to my husband about couple therapy and he agreed to go. He was not rude or anything about it, which surprised me. Maybe he also realized our relationship was falling apart? It was also very courageous of me to ask, but I was shaking in fear. I know he was able to notice, but did not say anything.

Today, while my husband was away, I decided to play a little with myself. I sat down on the bed and slowly began to introduce my fingers into my vagina, and I turned to see the picture of Victor on the wall. It turned me on and before I knew it, my hands were completely soaked. I wish he would fuck me like before. I may have to seduce him, I have not done so in a while.

1/8/2001

We began couple therapy two days ago, and everything seems normal to the counselor. He says we barely seem to be an unhappy couple, but that may be partly my fault. I am still afraid of opening up to the counselor next to my husband. I feel he pays attention to my every word, being careful to not let me say too much.

Even with that pressure, I feel things have been a little lighter at home. It may be because we are spending more time together, I had lost that feeling of actually doing stuff together. I missed it. He did not seem so hostile at home either. Maybe in time, I will be more comfortable opening up to the counselor if we keep developing our trust.

3/8/2001

Last night, I decided to seduce my husband like I had planned a few nights ago while writing. I put on revealing see-through lingerie that he had bought for me but I did not use much. I popped open one of the wine bottles from the kitchen, the ones that we saved for special occasions, and waiting with cold glasses for him to come through the door.

When he came into the house, and saw me on the couch with the wine half-naked waiting for him, his eyes revealed the truth. He did like what he was seeing, and instantly put his papers down to come to me. While approaching me, he undressed sensually. We had a glass of wine then we began to make out on the couch.

He laid over me, removing my underwear slowly. He proceed to eat my pussy, the first time in a long while. I gushed a lot into his mouth, and he continued to pleasurably eat me. After a bit, he plunged his dick into me, making me moan in pleasure. It’s been so long since I was fucked.

That night we fucked for a long while, but it was not as romantic as before. However, I loved it. I sucked his cock and made him come into my mouth, swallowing the entire load. It was warm and filled my mouth, oozing from the sides of my lips. Afterwards, we made out then went to bed. I want more nights like these!

4/8/2001

Today at therapy I was able to open up more, and my husband reacted to it. He said he did not realize he was being abusive, and his eyes were wide in shock. I believed his statements, but was also skeptical. I was just happy that he was opening up as well. Our counselor said that he was starting to see the holes in our relationship, and said communication was key.

I tried to put my anxiety aside and tried to talk to my husband a bit more. We have been fucking a bit more too, and he calls me into the shower in the morning for me to give him oral pleasure. Of course, he returns the favor, making me gush over him.

I really do not know where our relationship is headed now, but I am sure it is being repaired little by little. I had lost my faith in it, but I was able to talk to my husband once again and I have been slowly regaining the flame of our relationship. Maybe I should plan a surprise date? Maybe a fancy dinner, and my pussy would serve as the dessert, of course.