You again?

Not angry at the guy, no, angry at myself, that would quite fit the bill. I will tell the whole story; this was an infatuation that I never truly saw it coming. We met on social media, Instagram. I had messaged him just because he seemed interesting, but at first he seemed to be like any other generic, basic guy. I was not very impressed or entertained but I carried on with the conversation to be polite, besides, he seemed truly interested in me.

I know it is not the common to have a girl be the first to text but I don’t really care about these gender norms and constructs.

Anyway, we kept talking and soon enough we had our first date, second date, third date… by then I was more impressed by this guy and was even crushing on him. Not to the point where I wanted to be near him all day, but he was good to be with, I felt good. Then of course, the sex came.

He was not very good at sex, but I liked his naivety. He was sweet, it was obvious that he was trying his best. I appreciated all that. He was seemingly sweet and caring, and also tried to be seductive. He failed quite miserably but by now I was already falling in love with his quirks, he was adorable.

The first night we had sex was also casually the first night we had gone out to party together, it was a rush of feeling. We came to my house afterwards, feeling horny and making out as soon as the door was closed. He took me all the way into my bedroom carrying me while we made out, then threw me over the bed and began to undress. This sounds pretty dexterous, but he was not on par with that the rest of the night.

He kissed me on the abdomen and slowly got to eat my pussy, he wasn’t so good at it but his tongue felt good inside of me. He licked me slowly and then stood up, then dove his cock inside of me. It wasn’t very big, just thick, but a good cock nonetheless. He looked funny while fucking me, because his motion wasn’t very sensual. I don’t want to attribute it to the fact that he is not a very physically active guy, but that may be the case.

I was so into the moment and the feeling, that he made me come multiple times. I just gushed a little of my vaginal juices over him, getting us both wet with the same nectar which came from inside of me. I started to get even hornier then I pulled out his cock. Pushed him down to bed and began to ride that cock. I kept coming and he was just in awe, watching me as I rode that dick and drove him to come, a big sticky load. That was the night I felt for him, because I felt physically and mentally engaged. However, that was also the night that things went downhill.

He began to get distant during the coming weeks, and at first I thought it was his job or whatever and didn’t want to pressure him or make him feel like he owed me something. But then, things began to get worse. Suddenly, we never had time for a date or to even see each other, something we had grown accustomed to doing almost every day, even if we both were busy and had things to attend.

I continued to ask him if he didn’t want to talk to me anymore or something and he kept saying that he did want to, just that he was busy. He was clearly ignoring me now, even harder as days went by. My feelings started to mix up and I was confused, infatuated, tired and sad. It was a very tough time for me that took me at least 2 or 3 good months to get over with, while simultaneously making me sluggish and lacking in other areas of my life. He had stolen all my energy, and sometimes I wonder if I can get it back fully.

As the months passed and I got over him, I felt good and no longer triggered by the simple mention of his name. Of course I did things like masturbate thinking about the times we had sex and such, but it was just for the sake of getting myself aroused. I was very physically attracted to him.

I tried to date other guys but nothing seemed to work so I just laid back to let things unfold as they should. Then, one day, the guy I was dating decided to come back to my life, for a few moments. He had texted me and a weird light of hope seemed to appear from nowhere, then suddenly I was splashed with all the feelings he made me have while we dated. It was bad, I could not even articulate my words, even if it was on text. I tried to have the conversation die fast, but even then I kept checking to see if he had left me on seen. To this day, he hasn’t. It was over a week ago. I think he just deleted the chat.
 
Now I am feeling like a rewind of all that happened, watching it unfold before my eyes and Rob me of my energies and all the progress I had made getting over this loser. Is he going to continue coming back and stealing my self? He has shown slight signs of interest lately but I am totally sure he is with someone else now. I wonder if he will play them like he played me.

I wish this didn’t bother me so much, but through this experience I learned that I still like him and if he came back, I would take him with open arms, albeit with more care this time around. I have learned that most people do need a second opportunity, but I don’t know how much he could have changed in the past months. And I know he is not willing to be a man about it and text me one more time, to at least have sex together once more and lay down things to sleep between us forever. Make it to die, because if things were asleep they would just wake up eventually.