My body like you?

It took him a long time to get a heart and tell her. He had gone on the 700-kilometer journey, just to tell her. She did not worry about how she would react, what would be afterwards. He was completely fixed on how she would look at him. Would she smile when she felt the same way? Or was she completely astonished, had he misunderstood her?

They wrote something about a year, every night in a chat. They wrote about cars, world peace, and what they experienced. He had the feeling that he did not experience anything. He went to work, then went to his wife’s mind, tinkered with cars, and was otherwise an exemplary husband. Except for the two hours that evening he wrote with her. Doris was a mystery to him. She fascinated him with her jumpy nature, with her completely illogical reactions to the stones that put her life in the way. If she was sad, he could make her laugh. He simply let her write what she had in mind and made a few remarks. He did not do anything more. Above all, he snapped one. He did not give her any advice. She would not react anyway. Doris was stubborn, stubborn and defiant. He thought it was very charming. She could also be loving, interested and witty. He often imagined herself sitting with a small grin on the keyboard when she tried to challenge him.

She often wrote that she was sitting naked there. And he did not know if he should believe it. He had pictures of all her body parts, which she sent him very generously, although she did not have a single photograph of him. She probably knew what he looked like, they’d talked to each other about Skype, in the morning, she just came out of bed and he found her very attractive. Doris did not know how she found him. She described in detail a problem and how she planned to solve it. She was a little egoist, he thought. Sometimes she felt sorry for her when she wrote to him what life had once again been for her. But then she also wrote that he was her closest confidant, that he knew all her secrets, and that no one could speak better than with him. Then she was very affectionate and sent him kissing smilies and told him that she liked him very much.

He liked her, but he did not want to say that. Afterwards, she still hoped, which he could not fulfill. When she asked him why he was talking to her, she had only problems and would certainly get on his nerves, he said, he would find them interesting. He did. But he really did not know why. Perhaps because she was curious about him and because she said he was an exciting man. No one had ever said that to him. He was far too reserved for the idea.

So they wrote for months about the news in Doris Leben, about the world events and about the car, which he restored. Sometimes, rarely, she flirted with him. They painted out what it would be like to meet once. Of course he would come to her, she would enjoy the nightlife and maybe herself. Doris was always on the lookout for a lover. She had many meetings to get to know, but the one, the right one, who could give her what she needed, had not been there yet. She wanted to feel security, she said, almost the by-product of a sexual relationship. That was the reason for her. Paul thought how easy she would be happy. I could give her that, just like that. I’d like to give it to her. But then it occurred to him that he lived 700 kilometers away. And a single, planned meeting would not necessarily help her, it would remain unique and not be what she wanted. Doris wished for stability, with all the inconstancy that she herself displayed.

Then, two weeks ago, the day came when he was home alone. They met at Skype. She was sitting in front of the camera wearing only a cardigan. She looked pretty good, she smiled and seemed very relaxed. They chatted a little, and he stared all the time at her big bosom, which was undulating under the jacket.

“Shall I show you what would happen to you?” She asked suddenly, taking off her jacket. Now she sat naked there and looked at him expectantly.

“You do not have to do that,” he replied confused. What was she doing?

“You are my closest confidant, and you shall see me as I am,” she replied.

“You’ve never done this before? You pulled out in front of a camera? “

“No.”

“I’m honored,” he said, still baffled.

“Do you like that?”

“Yeah, well.”

“I want you to undress,” she said calmly. Paul first thought he was dreaming. But then he sat naked there on the couch and Doris looked at him. He suddenly had an eerie desire for a cigarette.

“Like,” she said only.

“My body like you?” He pressed on his stomach, which had once been better in shape.

“Yes. We are neither more. I like you.”

“Doris, you know I can not give you what you’re expecting, huh?” He asked kindly.

“Yes I know. What does it do? “She no longer fixed the camera, but a point in the room.

“You’re embarrassed,” he said.

“Yes. You also. I wonder why you do that. Stay with me for months. It is not desire. “She looked at him again.
“No. It is something different. Curiosity, a certain tingling … “

“In the belly. It could only be. “She nodded.

The conversation was no longer so unfriendly since they were both naked. He saw Doris embarrassed for the first time, and he asked her what she might feel. She had a smile on her face, but her eyes did not smile, he fixed. She looked lost, the way she always wrote. Lost in the world. Lost without him, he realized. He blushed. How could he be so stupid as not to notice!

In the days after, he was so confused by this experience that he did not write to her. He did not even know what. He sent her a photo of herself without comment. She did not have any. Whether it was a farewell photo, she wrote back. She would have done something wrong. No, he answered, she’d never done anything wrong.

He could not think of anything else. He had to go and take her in the arm. She needed him. Or he needed them. Completely against his deliberate, quiet, and sometimes somewhat heavy-handed manner, he arranged two days off, constructed a good alibi, wrote to her when he would arrive where she was, and made her way, although she did not answer. She would come, he was quite sure. There was something special between them, a kind of magical attraction. He had no other words for it. He had to touch her once, once stroking her hair and maybe kissing her once.

He had rented himself in a good hotel, if it came to more than a hug, he wanted to offer her a certain luxury. After all, this encounter would be unique, they would not see each other again. That was absolutely impossible. He would tell her what he felt for her, she would then decide what was going on for these two days. Maybe she would just laugh. Everything was possible with her. He could not guess. He was quite sure, however, that she would wait in the hotel bar at the appointed time. She was much too curious not to do that.

He was too excited to sit down at the bar. So he stopped. He felt like in the film. He felt like a crazy adventurer. He had never done this before. He had been married for more than 20 years and would never have thought he would ever drive 700 km to meet another woman. I only live once, he told himself. She comes or she does not come.

She came. All dressed in black, the hair lush, with a smile on her face she looked around. Then she discovered him. She waved timidly. Then she stopped and he feared a moment, she would turn around and go again. But then she came to him. She handed him a hand without a word. So he had not imagined that, but he grabbed her hand and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She stiffened a bit, he thought.

“What are you doing here?” She asked him bluntly.

“I wanted to see you. Bad?”

“No.” She put her handbag on the counter. “No. I’m just wondering.”

“What about?”

“Well, I’m not the woman, for which you drive 700 km simply times so …”

“No?”

“Definitely not. No. And if so, you’re crazy. “

 
At the meal there was also no mood. Thoughtfully, Doris poked around on her plate. “That’s a mistake,” she said.

“Why is this a mistake?”

“Part of the familiarity was that I did not know you personally,” she said, then stilted. She sometimes had a strange way of expressing herself.

“And that’s right now, trust?” Paul could not believe it.

“I do not know. In any case, it is different now. “

“I’ll stay until tomorrow night.” His voice was completely soundless. He wished he had gone to his hotel room to regret his mistake. He was annoyed at himself.

Doris grinned. “But I snore.”