They're not all the same

My name is Katherine, and I am a professional dancer. I have been dancing for almost 13 years now, dance being my only passion in life. I have won multiple awards in the past from different dance academies and it is my dream to make my own dance academy one day. I have a big dance competition against an academy from Korea next month, and my entire team has been very anxious. Everybody knows how Koreans are in the dance business; and we have never danced against Koreans before.

However, there was a little something that took my self-steem to rock bottom and made me lose a lot of willingness to continue dancing. And, this is something my entire team knows. It’s not something I can just try to hide, because they know and notice that I am not doing well. It’s something recent, it happened just last month.

Don’t get me wrong, I am still super excited about the dance competition, but it’s not easy. Besides, I feel the pressure over me. My team needs me more than ever for the competition, and I would not like to let them down. They could very possibly lose the competition if I decided not to enter, so this was putting me against the wall.

The story can be resumed like this: I was abused by my ex-boyfriend. One I had developed a huge level of trust with, then he took that to his advantage and made a fool out of me. It began without me noticing, he made it all seem very innocent. He verbally abused me, and was really mean and not careful during our first sexual encounter, which was forced on me.

My ex probably did that because of previous family issues on him. He seemed quite normal, but was twisted inside. Luckily, I got him in jail for basically raping me. But this scarred me; I did not want to have anything to do with sexual stuff and I was now afraid to leave my house. My mom has to drive me everywhere now, and that is a bit embarrassing at 22 years old, especially because I have my own car.

The worst part about everything involving the mental scarring is that now I am afraid of dancing. My one and only life purpose, the thing I loved the most, taken away from me just like my virginity was. I developed trust issues and my relationship to my dad became worse. This slowly destroyed my life as I knew it.

However, my team did not want to leave me alone. They wanted to cheer me up and asked me to continue dancing to lead a happy life. Our new instructor is a woman named Lily, and she is really nice. She is also trying to get me in a better mood, for the sake of the competition and my team.

One day, my teammate Trish invited me to a party. She wanted me to cut loose and have fun for a bit to clear my mind. I accepted to go, for some reason. The party was fun, and there was a guy named Alec who seemed to be very interested in me. Alec was really nice and a true gentleman, and it made me a bit sad to reject his advances. I was afraid to death of men now.

However, that did not stop Alec. He had gotten my number at the party, and wanted to keep in touch with me. I overheard Trish telling him about my issues, and he had said he wanted to change my point of view to something more positive, to reverse what my ex had done. I liked his good intentions, but I was too afraid still.

One day, Alec asked me out. I told Trish and she told me to accept, that it would be good for me. He took me out to a burger joint, and I was shy the entire night. It was really awkward, but Alec tried to make things the most comfortable for me. I could say, at the end, that I did enjoy myself a little bit.

Some weeks passed and Alec asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. It was an impulse, and I took the heat of the moment to accept it. I realized I had to step out of my comfort zone to start to get better, and maybe a new boyfriend would help me. Our relationship was very difficult and full of insecurities, but everything else in my life was too and I guess I wanted to improve.

Our relationship progressed slowly, as he tried to make me more and more comfortable with sex again. I knew what he wanted to do, but I was afraid of it. But just for the sake of my mental health, I decided to look to the bright side of things. The competition was coming up and I needed to absorb anything I could to lighten my mood.

During practice, Lily was softer with me and that made me feel bad. I have years of experience behind me, to be treated like a beginner. Even if I asked her to be harsher, she would not. How do they expect me to heal if they do not push my boundaries? Anyway, that only made me even more depressed.

“What’s up today?” Asked Alec, who was in my room listening to music with me, after a rehearsal. “It’s my instructor, Lily. She’s been training me softly” I said while typing on my phone. “It’s for your own good” he said in an angry tone. “I want to heal, I do not want people to feel pity for me” I said, now looking at him. He rolled on the bed and got over me, and I felt nervous to his touch.

“Nervous? This is why people want to be considerate with you, do not push yourself too hard” he said, still over me, looking into my eyes. I kissed him quickly, then pushed him off me. “Let’s have sex” I said, and he looked at me in shock. “My parents are not here” I added. “Are you for real?” he said in total confusion. “Yes” I replied.

He kissed me slowly, gently removing his clothes to not startle me. Alec’s gentleman manners started to shine more than ever now. He began to kiss my neck slowly, calming my shaky body. I slowly began to undress, revealing my naked body to my boyfriend. “You’re beautiful, Katherine” he said, undoing my bra. I was too nervous to talk, so I let my body talk by itself.

He continued to kiss me on my neck, down my breast and abdomen, slowly reaching for my vagina. He took my panties off and began to give me oral sex. I had never before felt something so pleasurable there before. He licked me slowly and deep, making me get slightly wet in moments, which was a good sign.

He took off his clothes then put on a condom, and began to thrust into my pussy slowly and passionately, bending to kiss me as he fucked me to calm me down. I let loose and gave in to him completely. I was actually feeling the pleasure of the friction his penis made while entering my vagina, over and over.

He continued to fuck me until he came, but we did not worry much because he had a condom. He pulled out then kissed me, and we fell asleep like that. We woke up 2 hours later, and he kissed me good bye as he left my house. “That was very good. Please think of that as your first time, okay?” he said, then left. His words were calming to me.

Even if my experience with my old boyfriend was bad, Alec made up for all that. With him and my friends, I began to regain my confidence. Sex with Alec became more commonplace as well, and he became a sexier lover with every new encounter. I also became naughtier every time, and tried my best to please him. It was good not to feel forced or anything.

At practice, my friends and Lily began to notice my change in mood, even if it was gradual. When the competition came, we lost. By a tiny margin of points, but we all felt really good about the competition, and my team was so proud of me. I was proud of myself, too, and wore my silver medal with joy. A month after the competition, Alec asked me to marry him. It was something really shocking, but seeing how he was so sweet and caring about my mental health, I accepted.

Now, I, Katherine, lead a happier life, and I am to open my own dance studio with Alec soon. I am very glad I never quit from my dream of dancing as my one true passion, and that I still had trust to share deep within me.