Does he like me?

This story is based on real events. I am going to keep names private or change them to keep everything secure. This is a story about infatuation, development of friendship, self pleasure and (a potential) relationship. Thing is, the person I like is very complicated and as such, I do not know if he is into me or not. Some friends claim he is, and sometimes I do believe this, but most of the time I am put off by the smallest things.

This guy is a very shy person, until he warms up to people. I have only known one other person he’s close to and open with besides me, but I am sure there are more. Regardless, I know it is not easy for him to get close to people. It always surprised me how he slowly but securely started to get closer to me and include myself in his life, his interests and circle of friends. I consider this very sweet.

He is not the cutest guy, but I like how he looks. He is not even my type, but I was not infatuated by his looks at first glance. Even so, I consider him an attractive young man. We usually talk a lot via instant messaging apps, casually sharing pics of each other. He usually messages me first, but I do not like messaging him first in fear he may get scared or something. I know it sounds weird but he is THAT awkward.

He is a very smart person, which adds to his attractiveness, in my opinion. He is always telling me facts about all kind of things, plenty of which I had no idea about. I consider this very nice. We also share a lot of music and other media. Sometimes he is a bit odd, which gives me insecurities when we talk.

We can go days without talking, but then he comes back and makes me feel reassured that he thinks of me sometimes. Even then, my own insecurities sometimes do not let me see past this and I imagine otherwise. We get along very well, and we have a lot of things in common, and he seems to be comfortable around me, but his obnoxious behavior makes me think I am just in the friend zone.

This is because he is never ever romantic or affectionate. Maybe this is because he likes to show affection in a different way, but sometimes this is not exactly reassuring to me. I would like him to at least be a little bit affectionate sometimes. I think he is not comfortable with this, though, because honestly I have never seen him be affectionate with anybody, even with friends who are closer to him than I am.

Before continuing, yes, I have masturbated thinking of him. Multiple times. It usually feels really pleasurable to do so. I like to put on some sexy music that suggests masturbation, and I let myself imagine us in different scenarios. I stroke my cock slowly and as the music speeds up I start to do so as well. I usually imagine us having sex, I am the one who fucks him, but I like to imagine us sucking each other’s dicks more so than anything else, specially doing the 69 position. It is among my favorites.

Usually when i masturbate thinking of him, I come a lot more and smile a lot when I am done. This is a little weird but oddly enough, I cannot help it. It makes me feel a bit guilty after I finish, because I cannot imagine what would he think if he found out I masturbate thinking of him… I wonder if he does the same at all? Thinking about that turns me on. Hopefully one day I will be able to turn these fantasies into reality.

I do know, however, that he is a kinky person. Do not ask me how I know this. But I know he had worse fetishes than I do, and he seems kinda proud of it. Okay, this came up during a night of a drunken haze while talking to another mutual friend. I was a bit shocked after he revealed that about him, but now it does not seem like a big deal. I do not think much about it anymore. He seems to be proud of his kinkiness.

When we are really close, in normal situations, he seems to be a bit more distant than usual, but I think he is normally like this just if other people are around. Otherwise, he is very open, given we are alone. Like I mentioned before, he is not the most attractive fella, but there are things about him that make me want to eat him whole. He has a nice, big neck that I would die to kiss. Neck kisses are my favorite, and I like giving them as much as I like receiving them. I think that if I were to kiss his neck I would get a little bit out of control, even more so if HE kissed me. It’s arousing to think of this.

He also has big hands, and he is a little bit taller than I am. We both are pretty tall, however. I have only ever seen him shirtless, but even then I get aroused at the sight of his naked skin. I think he looks really pretty like that. I do not know if he’s sending shirtless pictures to anyone else but I like to imagine he does not, because like I mentioned before he is rather shy and I do not know if he would be so willing to share himself like that to just anybody.

I have gotten hard now while writing this and imagining him and the multiple times I have seen him topless in pictures. I wonder if he deliberately sends these to me to cause a reaction? I am 90% sure he knows I like him, anyway. Maybe this knowledge is what keeps him coming back; I have heard and witnessed that when you like someone, and they know it, there is a chance of them liking you back. This is relative of course, and one can always notice when someone else likes oneself or not. With him, it’s all a mixture of weird signs and little details that I take note of.

It feels liberating to write all of this but I also feel a bit guilty, sharing all this information about us. About him. I do not know if anyone reading this will get turned on by my sexual connotations or relate to my feelings and story but it is nice to share anyway. I have been crushing for almost a year now and I am in the point where I do not want to imagine myself with anybody else but him. I like him that much.