Respect yourself

I was in front of my ex’s door, waiting for him to open up. We arranged to meet today at his place. This felt certainly wrong, but I knew no better. I did want to see him. And I knew he just wanted a quick fuck. Then, I am sure you are wondering “Why are you at his house?”, “Why did you agree to go see him?” among other things. Thing is, I am not over him. Yes, he cheated on me. And yes, that was quite recent. But something inside of me still wanted more of him. Maybe I was in deep love.

While I am just standing there, daydreaming, the door in front of me opens. It’s him. “Hey, David.  You came here quickly” He says, then gently kisses me on the lips. “Come in” he adds, and I do so, him quickly closing the door behind me. “You know I like to be on time” I say, then he starts massaging my shoulders, standing behind me. “That is something I like about you a lot” he says while massaging me.

“And you know I wanted to see you” I say back to him, turning and kissing him on the lips. “I know that” he said, then smirked. He always knows; he knows I am crazy about him. Before long, without further hassle, we are in his bedroom, kissing on his bed. He stands up and undresses quickly, and I watch him while I take off my clothes. Before finishing, I already have his cock in my mouth.

He caresses my hair while I suck him off. “You’re really good at this” He says, and it makes me feel a bit proud of myself. I just continue to suck while I undress, then standing up to kiss him and take off my pants. He kneels down to suck my cock, slowly. I love when he does it, but he never does it for long. Then, he stands up and pushes me to bed.

“I know you like it rough, David” he says, grabbing a condom and putting it on. “I also like when you’re gentle, Tyler” I say, staring into his eyes. He keeps looking at me, then gently penetrates me and bends down to kiss me. He kisses me while fucking my ass, and it makes it much better. Then he starts to go faster and harder on me. “I can be both gentle and rough today” he says while fucking me, and I moan loudly.

Then he pulls out, flips me over and fucks me missionary. This position is much more comfortable. I put my head against the pillow while he continues to fuck me. “You like it that way!” he exclaims, going faster into me. I jerk myself off, and by this time I cannot hold myself anymore, so I come. I made a mess on his bed. “I-I am sorry” I said among moaning. “It’s nothing” he says, and continues to fuck me.

Then, he pulls out. “I am going to come!” He says, so I kneel down before him and suck him, taking his condom off. “Come on me” I said while looking into his eyes from below. A few moments later, my face is covered with his semen. He groans loudly while he comes, then pulls me up to kiss him. “Let’s take a shower” he says, and so we do.

After the shower, already dressed up, his interest in me seems to have vanished. He focuses on his phone, barely looks at me and keeps telling me the hour, as if asking me to leave. I feel hurt, and before he could do anything else to make me upset, I leave. It’s already 8 p.m, so I have to go home anyway.

He walks me to the door, then hugs me goodbye. “See you later” I say as we finish hugging, to what he replies with a “Take care”. I feel the emptiness in his words piercing my head as I walk into my car, quickly starting it to leave. A few tears come out of my eyes on my ride back home, and I wipe them away trying to put positive things in my mind.

Suddenly, I am back home, alone. And feeling empty as well, as if I had just made a mistake. I felt this way every time I hooked up with my ex, this is the fourth time this happens. I just ate some cold pizza from the fridge, then went to bed. I started to think about how he treated myself coldly after having sex, and cried myself to sleep.

The following week went by in a blink. Go to work, eat, sleep, and repeat. No calls or texts from Tyler either. He did not need me for anything else. I feel rather empty at work, I keep thinking of Tyler. My coworker, Leonardo, is trying to talk to me but I am too zoned out to notice. “Hey, hey David. Are you okay?” He asks, taking me back to the present time. “Oh. Sorry Leo, yes. I was distracted. What happened?” I said in a snap.

“I was just wondering if you’d like to go the movies with me, you know, after work” He asked in a low voice, sounding very embarrassed. “Oh? Oh, sure.” I agreed without thinking. “Perfect!” He sounded very glad. “We can go right after finishing work, it’s on me.” He added, then went back to his spot in the office. After thinking for a bit, I thought that I may have made a bad decision by agreeing, since I am not in the best mood now.

Work was over faster than I thought it would be, then suddenly, somehow, I was in my car with Leonardo. He was very shy but gentle. I drove to the cinema, but we did not talk much on the way there. We were going to watch some movie about a dog. I did not care much about it. On the corner of my eye, I spotted Tyler with some guy, they were watching the same movie. Without letting Leonardo know, I texted Tyler and asked what he was doing. He told me he was at home doing nothing.

I had to hold my tears during the rest of the movie. After it was over, I tried to leave the movies before Tyler could spot me. “Why are you rushing?” asked Leonardo to me with a half-smile. “I forgot to put food on my dog’s plate”. I said the first time that came to mind, and before long, we were in my car. I drove rather quickly to Leonardo’s house, and I left him there. “Thanks for coming. It was fun.” He said, then kissed me on the cheek. I was still speechless, then I drove home.

At home I was stuck with the confusion. How could I believe Tyler was still into me? He had other things to worry about, of course he had no time to talk to me. I decided to take control of the situation, so I blocked his number and deleted everything related to him from my phone. I felt a little bit better, but I still cried that night. The following day at work, I had Leonardo over me during lunch, but I was still too hurt to say much. I was not in the present moment.

“You know, this weekend there’ll be a concert by a band I really like, I don’t know if you’re into rock music, but I thought we could go” Said Leonardo to me, and he sounded quite happy. “Uh- sure! We can go” I said, faking the enthusiasm. He kept talking about the band that was going to play, and about the concert. I was trying to pay more attention to him this time.

Suddenly, I got a call from a number I had not saved in my phone. “Wait, I will go see who this is” I said to Leonardo, then stood up and walked away to answer the phone. “Hello?” I said, then a voice I knew too well replied. “Hey. It’s Tyler. Calling you with my other phone will not go through, so I called you here. Are you free later? We could meet up” He said everything very quickly but seductively. I was shocked.

“You disappeared for an entire week then just called me out of the blue” I said in a rather angry tone. “Yeah, I’m sorry I was busy” was all that he said, then he added “Do you want to come over yes or not?” to which I replied:

“I will be busy as well. Find something else to entertain yourself”, then hung up.

I went back to the table with Leonardo, then tried to continue the music conversation. “Who was it?” he asked me, in a curious voice. He picked up my vibe. “No one important. Just someone I don’t want to talk to” I said. “Then, what songs will the band play at the concert?” I asked, and his face beamed with a smile.