Still feel

“How could you do this to me?!” I screamed at my ex boyfriend after finding him at his parent’s second home, fucking another guy, who was also a mutual friend of us. I proceed to throw a jar at him but I missed, and I was glad I did. “Hey listen to me” he said, without a reason, to try and calm me down.

“No you listen, for how long has this been going on?” I asked him, barely being able to see what was in front of me thanks to the tears flowing down my face. He stayed silent, of course. “I am done. Let’s just leave things here” I said then turned back and left him behind. This happened a year and half ago, and I am just barely over it.

The frustration, the jealousy, the sadness… these are feelings that were present in my life for a long time after the incident, but now I feel much more at peace mentally. I slowly began to forget about what happened and just don’t think about it, which was the healthiest thing to do.

However, the other day I saw my ex. After over a year of not seeing him, I saw him at a restaurant with his friend. He looked at me for a short while, looking as if he wanted to approach me and say something, but he just turned back and left to his table. Our tables were nearby and it was awkward having to see him there, and knowing he was looking back at me. I didn’t tell my friend what was going on but they noticed I was acting odd.

Then I went back home and laid down on bed, then remembered everything that had happened, like a big overhaul of painful events of my life I had already put in the past. But above all, above everything I felt, I felt like I wanted to talk to him. I do not know why but there was some sort of attraction at the restaurant.

And so I was filled with doubt and over thinking. What if he had found another guy? What if he was dating that guy he cheated on me with? What if he didn’t say anything at the restaurant thinking I still hate him? So many questions popped up in my head, and the only way to get some answers was, well, to go to him directly.

Of course I could not do it right away, it took a few days of thinking and analyzing if it was the right thing to do. Finally, I decided to do it and messaged him in Facebook, and he replied quite quickly. We talked about what had happened in the restaurant and he did tell me he didn’t talk to me because he thought I was mad at him still, and I clarified I wasn’t. He asked me to have a date at the same restaurant to talk face to face, and I agreed to go.

This was a bit unnerving but also exciting. I dressed up quite casual for the occasion then left. First and foremost, it was a casual encounter of two ex lovers who wanted to catch up on each other’s lives and had already overcome whatever bad blood they had in the past. That was a good way to put it and made me think more positively of it.

I got to the restaurant and he was already there, in a table he got for us. He was smiling as I approached it and sat across from him on the table. We shaked hands then the waiter came quickly. To my surprise, it was bringing the food already. It put before me a plate of pasta with mushrooms, my favorite. He was kind enough to ask it for me.

“You shouldn’t have” I said, smiling and looking at the plate. “I supposed you would be hungry so there was no time to wait. How have you been?” He asked, taking a bite of his chicken while looking at me, totally fixated.

“I have been okay, doing good… and you?” I asked, trying to not be distracted by his handsome glare. “I have been good. I had moved out of town but moved back” he said, then paused to take a sip of wine. “I came back to work” he added, then served me some wine.

“So that’s why I didn’t see you around” I said, eating a bit afterwards. “Right” he said, looking at me with a smile. He looked absolutely handsome and charming, and I had forgotten by now how good he looked. Those piercing green eyes and his slick dirty blonde hair with that smile of an angel… that strong jawline with that handsome stubble… and his muscles seemed to be bigger now.

We kept talking while dining that night then he offered to drive me back home. We had the entire wine bottle so we were a bit tipsy, specially Me, and I asked him to come into my house as soon as we parked in front of it. Of course, I wanted to fuck him. When we got inside, I started to kiss him and we kissed all the way into the bedroom, where he threw me on bed and we began to undress. He undid my jeans and took my cock out, then began to quickly suck it, toying with the tip using his tongue. He had become better at this.

Then I pulled him into bed, and kissed him, then proceed to suck his cock as well and rim his ass. I fingered him a little to get him loose then put on a condom and slid my cock into his asshole, and began to fuck him slowly. “You like it?” I asked with a naughty smile. “I missed it a lot” he said with his eyes closed and a smile of bliss, pulling the blankets while I fucked him.

We fucked for a good 15 minutes then we laid down on bed to have a cigarette. “I have been thinking of you” he said, then put his cigarette down on the ash tray. “I didn’t think you’d like to see me back” he added, looking at me with sincere eyes. “It was painful to get over…. Everything, but I did miss you too” I said back at him, holding his hand softly. “I’m so sorry for all the distress I caused. I was selfish and I lost you due to that.” He sounded sad now. “I don’t want to sound selfish again but it was also hard for me” he added, looking down. “I understand” I said, then kissed him.

“Are you willing to try again?” He said, and I looked into his eyes. “Sure” I said after a bit of thought, then we began to kiss passionately before falling asleep. After all, I still felt.