A Mother's Love Ch. 01

ESTELLE

What a day! It started out great, as we prepared to head out for our annual summer camping trip. But, those plans had been changed by circumstances beyond my control. We had just come home from a shopping trip with when I got a call that would change my life. And Cole’s.

“Hello, Maisie,” man’s voice said. “It’s Brian. I’m sorry to burden you, but I really need your help with Estelle.”

Brian Mooney almost never called, and he sounded upset.

“What’s happened, Brian? You know I’ll do anything I can to help.”

“She ran away a few months back, just after Mom died. They were very close, and she really took the loss hard. Your sister was more like her aunt than grandmother — well, step-grandmother. Anyway, she’s been arrested in Niagara.”

“Niagara Falls? Why was she arrested?”

“They were doing a prostitution sweep and she was found with some marijuana. She’s currently in Juvie, but Children’s Aid has insisted that she be released to a responsible family member. Something happened before Mom died, and she won’t come home; I’ve already talked to her about that, but can’t say any more. I can’t even get time off to come down and deal with the mess. My CO said I can’t be spared during the summer, which is total B.S., but there’s nothing I can do about it. If I wasn’t in the army, I’d be entitled to emergency leave. As it is, I’m SOL. Amy’s eyesight is getting even worse, and she lost her license early last year. She’s having a lot of difficulty adapting.”

“Did you need me to pick her up?”

“I, uh, need a bit more than that, Maisie. Estelle’s been convicted on the possession charge, but the judge has given her a discharge. She needs somewhere stable for the next year. If she gets another criminal charge before then, she would have this conviction on her record and would have to serve a six-month sentence. As long as she stays clean, the file will be sealed after the year is up and she’ll have a clear record. In the meantime, it’s protected and can only be accessed in relation to a criminal investigation.” He paused. “She needs a place to live, Maisie. Could you let her stay with you for the next year?”

“She barely knows us, Brian. Isn’t there any other family she could stay with?”

“The twins are in Pickering, but they’ve only got a two-bedroom apartment, and CAS requires a separate bedroom unless she’s with her sister. The Crown has insisted we follow the letter of the law on this. Jonathan’s wife is due in October, and I can’t ask them to take her.”

And I knew then that I really had no choice. Brian was my older sister’s step-son. Mary had three children with Colm, Brian’s father. The youngest was just two years older than Brian’s son. Estelle and her twin were a year and a half younger than Thomas.

“I understand, Brian. I guess we don’t have much choice. How do I contact her?” He gave me the information and thanked me profusely. “We’re family. I promise to do everything I can to keep her out of trouble.”

“You really are a life saver, Maisie. Please give Estelle a big hug for me.”

“I will. I’ll call you once I’ve contacted CAS.”

I hung up and dropped to my chair with a groan. Cole was tapping his pencil on the table, obviously having picked up that there was a problem.

“That was Brian Mooney?” he asked. I nodded. “So, what did Margaret do?”

“Not Marg; Estelle. She got caught with some drugs in Niagara Falls. Brian asked me to give her a hand.”

“Estelle? She’s always been the good one. Marg’s the trouble-maker.”

I understood his confusion. Estelle had never been known to start trouble — though she would happily go along with her twin sister’s crazy escapades.

“Mary’s death was very hard on her and she ran away. She refuses to go back to Angus.”

“How much help does she need, and is it going to delay our trip?”

“Sorry, Cole. We’re going to have to cancel this summer. It’s going to take some time to sort this out. I’ll need to get her enrolled in school, go through the whole CAS process and I don’t know what else.”

“We’ve had the campsite reserved for a year,” he complained.

“I know, but she’s family and needs our help. Mary’s kids aren’t able to; we are.”

“No, she isn’t family!” he yelled, ripping up the check sheet we had been going through. “She’s only a step-cousin. It’s not fair!”

He jumped up and started out of the room

“Cole David King, sit your ass down this instant!”

He was back in his chair in under a second. That was the closest I had ever come to losing my temper in front of my son. I almost never raised my voice at him, and never swore. I’m not sure if he was more shocked or I was.

“Cole, you will never say that in front of me ever again. And you will never even think about saying it in front of Estelle. Do you understand?”

“But…”

“Never!” I poked at his chest with my finger. “Do…you…understand?”

He deflated in front of me, giving in. “Yes, Mother.”

“I know that she’s not a blood relation,” I said, softening my voice. “But she’s still family. And, she needs our help. Please don’t ask her about what happened. Let her tell you when she’s ready. I need you to make her feel welcome, as much as you can.”

“I’ll try,” he said in a quiet voice.

“That’s all I can ask. I know this won’t be easy, Cole. But we’ll make it work.”

***

EMERGENCY

It took a couple days to make the arrangements, then I had to drive to Niagara to pick up Estelle. She was dressed in an oversized fleece pullover that was more than a little tattered. She had the hood pulled up, and never dropped it all the way back to Hamilton. I tried to talk a couple times, but she only gave single-word answers, when she deigned to reply at all.

I called to Cole when we got home, but I just caught a glimpse of him heading out the back door. I heard Estelle begin to sob as he slammed the door.

“I should have just stayed in Juvie,” she mumbled past her tears.

I pulled her into a hug, drawing down the hood of her sweatshirt to kiss her blonde hair. “No, you belong here now, Estelle. Don’t worry about Cole, he’s just blowing off some steam. We had to change our plans a bit. It’s the first time we’ve missed our summer camping trip in years.”

“And it’s all my fault.”

“You made a mistake. I’ve made a few pretty big ones in my time. But you’ve also been given a second chance. You just have to keep on the straight and narrow for one year, then your record goes away. I promised your father that I’d help you.”

I lifted her chin to make her look at me. She may not really be related, but you wouldn’t know to look at her. Estelle’s eyes were not far from the blue of my own, and our hair was nearly the same shade of blonde. She was four inches shorter than me, standing only five-three, and had a very petite frame. I called my body ‘classically beautiful’. I wasn’t out of shape, but I had a lot of very nice curves. Cole’s father had really loved my body, and knew quite well how to show it. But we’d had some disagreements about our son, and he’d left years ago.

“I need you to promise me a couple things, Estelle. No drugs, no getting drunk, and no sleeping around. Can you do that?”

“Sometimes a joint really helps me relax. Weed’s not really a drug like cocaine or heroin.”

“Darling, you were arrested because of weed. You have to promise me that you won’t do any drugs at all for the next year. I’m trying to help you, and it’s absolutely essential that you agree to these conditions. You’ll be eighteen soon, and any new charges you get will be as an adult.”

She sighed. “All right, Aunt Maisie. No doing drugs and no drinking.” She paused. “You’re firm on the sex thing, too?”

“Yes. You’ve lost a whole semester of school, and CAS demanded that I enroll you immediately. I don’t want you to be distracted boy boys — or a pregnancy. You need to graduate, Estelle.”

“Lots of people don’t.”

“You are not lots of people. You’re my niece, and I insist that you get every opportunity for a good, happy life.” I picked up her bag and took her hand. “Let me show you your room.”

I had a three-bedroom house. My bedroom was at the back, on the south side. The semi-ensuite bath sat between the master bedroom and Estelle’s room. She was on the east side, and would get the morning sun. Cole had asked to have the front bedroom years ago, as he didn’t want the sun waking him during summer holidays. Estelle placed her bag in the dresser, but didn’t start unpacking. She looked at me with sad eyes. There was something else there, but I had no idea what.

“Aunt Maisie, could you hold me for a bit? Nana used to do that when I was sad.”

Nana was what she had called my sister. I barely managed to keep myself from crying as I made my way to the bed.

“Come on, I’ll cuddle you for a while. Any time you need a hug, Estelle, just ask.”

She pulled off the sweatshirt and slipped into my arms, head on my chest. She was wearing a thin tank top underneath, and I noticed that she didn’t have much of a tan at all. Her pale arms were thankfully clear of any needle marks, calming my mind a bit. She began crying again, and I just held her as she blubbered.

***

I must have fallen asleep, because I was woken by the phone ringing. I slipped out from under Estelle and went to my room, picking up the extension there.

“Hello? King residence.”

“Is this Maisie King?”

“Yes, could I ask who’s calling?”

“Hamilton-Wentworth Police. Ma’am, your son Cole has been involved in an auto collision. He is currently at McMaster Medical Centre.”

My guts instantly turned into ice. “What? Is he all right?”

“He is currently being prepared for surgery. I recommend that you make your way to the hospital. The staff will be able to answer your questions.”

“Yes, of course. I’m on my way.”

My hand was shaking as I hung up the phone, fear threatening to overtake all rational thought. I forced myself to take a deep breath. He was at the hospital, so he was still alive. He might be hurt, but he was at one of the best medical centres in the country. He’d be fine. I was sure. Of course, he’d be fine. I repeated my little mantra a few times and almost believed it.

“Estelle,” I yelled as I headed for the stairs. “Get up. We need to go.”

I was already collecting my purse and checking that I had my keys when she appeared in the upstairs hall.

“What’s wrong?”

“Cole has been hurt. We need to go to the hospital immediately.”

Her face was shocked and concerned. She ran down the stairs, barely touching them. “What happened?”

I led her outside, reminding myself to lock the door behind me. “I don’t know. He must have taken his bike out. The police said there was an accident.”

“No! Is he all right? Fuck, this is all my fault. He wouldn’t have gone out if it wasn’t for me.”

I unlocked the van and we got in. “Don’t blame yourself. He bikes all the time, and he always rides too fast. It’s his fault if he cut someone off and got hit, not yours. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. At least, until I get a hold of him.”

Of course, inside I was freaking out, but I couldn’t let her know that. I had to be strong right now. I couldn’t stand women who collapsed at the first sign of a problem. There was no way that I’d let myself be one of them. I would make myself to do what needed to be done. Just like I had for the nearly eighteen years I had been Cole’s mother. I took another deep breath, then forced myself to check for traffic before pulling out. I’d be at the hospital in a few minutes and we’d find out that Cole wasn’t hurt that bad. Everything would be fine.

***

POST-OP

My heart must have been beating a hundred and twenty times a minute as I drove to McMaster Medical Center. I was tempted to just floor the accelerator, but forced myself to stick to the speed of traffic. We made it, parked and headed inside. It took about twenty minutes to find out where he was — still in surgery. After handling a bunch of paperwork, I was forced to sit in the waiting room for what felt like hours. That was a difficult time for me, all of my fears running around my head, unhindered. The worst-case scenario kept popping up, and I repeatedly had to force those thoughts from my mind. I was maintaining a cool exterior, but the thin veneer was getting pretty fragile as time dragged on. Finally, a tall man in surgical scrubs stepped into the room.

“Mrs. King?”

“Here,” I said, standing. I forced myself to breathe. “How’s Cole?”

He smiled. “Seems that he’s mostly out of the woods. Would you come with me?”

Estelle followed without being told, and we went into a smaller room. He closed the door behind us and sat on the arm of a chair. We took seats on the comfortable couch facing him.

“I am Doctor Jones. I’m the orthopedic surgeon that was working on your son. He had several arm and leg fractures, but we can go into the details later. The important thing is that I believe he will regain full mobility. He’s in great physical condition, and that will definitely help with his recovery. None of the fractures were in a joint, but we did need to use some supportive hardware to secure the bones in position. His healing will take some time, but he will recover. As far as his mobility is concerned, none of those injuries will affect him, long-term.” He paused. “You will need to talk with Doctor Liu, the neurosurgeon. Cole also suffered a head injury, and she will be able to speak about that.”

“When can I see him?” My voice sounded somewhere between over-eager and hysterical, but I was not sure which extreme I was closer to.

“Not just yet. He’s in observation right now. A nurse will let you see him as soon as possible. He won’t be conscious for some time, though. Doctor Liu and I agreed that he needed to remain sedated for a bit longer to allow the worst of the injuries to heal a bit.”

“I understand, Doctor,” I heard myself say.

Actually, I really didn’t understand why he would be kept sedated. That was usually for severe injuries. A broken arm or leg didn’t require keeping the patient completely immobile. Just how serious was that head injury?

“Doctor,” I heard Estelle say. “Is the head injury really bad?”

“Well, miss, all head injuries have serious risks. Doctor Liu is one of the best in the business, and she’s our head of neurosurgery. She personally worked with me on Cole, and she knows what she’s doing. I can’t answer exactly what she saw or did, as I was a bit preoccupied with his arms and legs. When you see her, she’ll be able to answer your questions.” He stood. “Why don’t you get a drink or a bite to eat? Just let the ICU nurse know that you’re stepping out, and check in when you get back. They’ll make sure you can see him as soon as possible.”

I nodded. “Thank you, Doctor Jones.”

We grabbed some dinner in the cafeteria, bringing most of our food back to the waiting room. We had to wait another hour before we could see Cole. When I did, it took my breath away for a few seconds. His head was wrapped in several layers of dressing and bandages. There was a ventilator in his mouth and a feeding tube in his nose. Several wires led from the head bandages, with machines softly beeping to either side of him. There was a cast on his right forearm and right ankle, and his left leg was bandaged almost from hip to ankle. His left arm was bandaged above the elbow, and the forearm was strapped across his abdomen to immobilize it. There were several IVs in place, including one in his neck.

Estelle took hold of my hand, squeezing it tightly. As we stood looking at him, a short Asian woman in a white coat entered.

“I am Doctor Liu. You are Mrs. King?”

“Yes.”

She nodded. “Your son sustained a serious head injury. There was a depressed skull fracture with a haematoma, as well as some damage to the cerebral arteries. There is still the risk of further injury, so we need to keep him sedated for several days. He will then be weaned off the drugs, but it may take some time for him to wake.”

“What’s with all the IVs?” Estelle asked.

“They serve multiple purposes. The different lines are used for blood sampling and pressure monitoring, as well as administration of drugs and nutrients. The jugular line will be removed tonight. His arm veins were not fully available during surgery, and that was the most convenient alternative. I understand that you have spoken with Doctor Jones.”

“Yes,” I said.

“You must realize that brain injuries are not like bones. Once set, a fracture will heal, often stronger than it was before. It is easy to see the precise nature and extent of a fracture on an X-ray, making diagnosis and treatment straightforward. The brain is more complex. We do not fully understand it even now. I can see symptoms, but I cannot always tell you exactly what is happening, nor what the final outcome will be.” She paused. “I can tell you that your son was fortunate to be brought here very quickly. The intracranial bleeding would have caused much more damage if it had been allowed to continue even twenty or thirty minutes longer. I detected critical intracranial pressure when I began the surgery, but was able to manage it. We currently have a monitor in place to warn if the ICP rises again. I do not believe that the pressure caused significant injury, but we will need to wait until Cole has regained consciousness to perform a full assessment. I am optimistic that he will have minimal permanent effects from the injury.”

Everything but her last sentence had been pumping up my stress level. “But, you don’t know yet, do you?”

“No, Mrs. King. I could give an expected prognosis based on my observations and past experience, an educated guess, but every brain injury is different. Each individual will react to trauma differently. At this time, I do not have any expectation that Cole will suffer any serious permanent disability. I will know more when he wakes.”

“I understand, Doctor. Thank you.”

After she had left, Estelle pressed against my side and I put an arm around her shoulders.

“I’m scared, Maisie.”

“I know, Estelle.” I was too, not that I allowed myself to show it. “But, we just need to have a bit of faith. Doctor Jones said the bones will be fine, and Doctor Liu believes there will be minimal brain injury.”

Se moved forward, reaching out to touch Cole’s face. “I’m glad he didn’t mess up his face. He always was the cutest of my cousins.” She smiled as her hand moved across his shoulder and down his right arm. “Wow. Nice muscles.”

“Well, he did work out a lot. You should see his legs. He was going to try for Cycle Canada’s Olympic team this summer. I’ve never seen anyone ride a bike so fast. And he was nearly fearless on two wheels.”

She squatted next to the bed, her head next to his shoulder. “I want to help. It’s my fault he’s like this. Anything you need, Aunt Maisie. Anything at all.”

“Estelle, it is not your fault he went riding.”

“He took one look at me and ran out, hopping on his bike. He left because of me.”

I sighed. She was right, of course, but I didn’t want her to think I agreed with her. “Cole made his own decisions. You didn’t make him do anything, and he’s responsible for his actions, and the consequences. However, I will need someone to help care for him. He won’t be able to do much on his own for a while.”

Estelle got a wide smile. “No, he won’t. I guess I don’t mind being his hands until the casts come off.”

She seemed a little too eager. “Estelle, just remember your promise.”

“Fine,” she huffed. “No sex for the next year. I’ll try, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to say no if he asks me to go to bed with him.”

“Please use all of your self-restraint.” I placed a hand on her shoulder. “Thanks for being honest, Estelle. I know that Cole is one of the best-looking guys in his school. It’s a good thing he’s been so busy cycling. Otherwise, I’m sure he would have knocked up a few girls by now.”

“Well, I can make sure no girls bother him while he’s recovering.”

I laughed at her obviously self-serving offer. “That is very gracious of you. Just make sure you don’t take advantage of him when he’s unable to defend himself.”

“Oh, I promise not to do anything he doesn’t want me to.”

That wasn’t quite as reassuring as she had intended it to be.

***

AWAKENING

Estelle and I spent the next ten days travelling to the hospital. We were there most of each day, even though Cole was completely unresponsive for the first week. Estelle, in particular, quizzed the nurses on how to assist someone with Cole’s injuries. We learned several things that we would never have thought about. Somehow, she had even convinced them to let her help give him a sponge-bath — though the nurses did make sure she only did his upper body. However, they did not chase her from the room when they were finishing the bath. By the time he woke up, we were confident that we would be able to handle whatever Cole needed.

The last few days, as the anesthetic was wearing off, Cole would occasionally moan or mumble, but did not speak or respond to anyone. He grabbed at his IV lines sometimes, and the nurses had to replace them a couple times. The ventilator had been removed some time ago, though, and his breathing was strong and steady.

I was talking to Doctor Jones about his latest X-rays when Estelle ran out of the room.

“I think he’s awake!”

“Well, let’s go check on him,” the doctor said with a smile.

We went into the room, and I could see the Cole was slowly moving his fingers. Doctor Jones adjusted the lights, dimming them slightly.

“You can open your eyes now, Cole.”

“Did anyone get the number of that truck?” my son joked through a dry throat.

“It was a car, actually,” I said in my driest deadpan voice. “The driver is facing a slew of charges, including running the red light.”

The doctor stepped to the bed. “Cole, you got hurt pretty bad. I’m Doctor Jones, one of the surgeons who worked on you. I’m the orthopaedic surgeon and I set your arms and legs. The neurosurgeon will come in later.”

“I can feel my arms and legs, but everything hurts. How bad is it?”

“Well, you are still on morphine, so it’s a bit worse than you think. That being said, all of your bone injuries will heal. You suffered fractures of the left humerus, as well as all three long bones of the left leg. The arm and leg both required surgical intervention. Your right shoulder was dislocated and both the radial and ulna broke. We were able to set and cast the forearm, and you shoulder will heal on its own if you let it rest. Your right foot has fractures in the outer two metatarsals. We’ll get x-rays at six weeks and assess where you are. We may allow some weight-bearing exercises then, depending on your progress. If you just had a single lower-limb fracture, I could allow you to start walking with weight on that injury in four to six weeks. However, with both upper and lower limb fractures, I’m afraid it will be at least four months before you can even attempt walking on crutches. I’d estimate six months before you can try to walk without. You will probably want to use a wheelchair at least until January, and we’ll be starting physiotherapy almost immediately.”

Cole had been listening intently, and I could tell that he was thinking about his cycling future. I felt a bit of pride at his focus on the practicalities of the situation. He was not able to control the expression of his emotions as well as I could, but he did pretty well for a teenager.

“Doctor, is there anything that will stop me from riding again?”

“Your bones will all heal, but it will take about a year and a half to reach full strength. I would not recommend that you attempt any strenuous cycling until then, to make sure that the bones are fully healed. I expect that your bones would be able to handle light riding by the spring. But you will need to talk to the neurosurgeon before beginning any exercise regimen.”

“Can you tell me anything about the head injury?”

“Sorry, but that’s not my area of expertise. If you have any other bone questions, I’ll be by later to check on you.” Doctor Jones nodded to me and Estelle, then left the room.

Estelle placed a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Cole. We’ll take care of you.”

“Is that Estelle?”

“Hi. Long time no talk, Cuz. You know, a hug would have been fine. No need for you to get yourself temporarily disabled so I’d pay attention to you.” She leaned down and kissed his cheek lightly.

Cole smiled at the contact. “Sorry, just burning off steam.”

“The police said you were coming down the Sherman Access,” I said. “Where did you go up?”

“Kenilworth.”

I had suspected that, and knew how far he had travelled. There was no way that I could have covered that distance in the time he had, no matter how hard I pushed myself. Despite the heart-stopping result, I again felt a bit of pride in his accomplishment. It would have been amazing if it had not been for the asshole in the car.

“And just how fast were you going? The 911 call was barely half an hour after you left.”

“I was coming down pretty quickly. I should have put on my cleats, then my foot wouldn’t have slipped off the pedal and I probably would have missed the car.” He suddenly got angry. “What the fuck did he think he was doing? He blasted through the red like it wasn’t there!”

“Stealing a car.” I sighed. “Why did you take off like that, Cole? They were working on you for hours. I was so scared that I would lose you, my heart felt like it was going to break in half.”

“Sorry, Mom,” he whispered. “I was afraid if I stayed I’d say something to Estelle to upset her.”

“I’m still here, you know,” Estelle said.

“I know, Estelle. I’m sorry. I promised not to make things difficult for you, but I couldn’t get over being pissed that, because of you, we were going to miss our camping trip. I was a selfish brat, and I took off recklessly without wearing my riding gear. Now I’m wondering how badly I mashed my brain, and what that means for my life.”

She squeezed his shoulder gently. “Hey, at least you didn’t get arrested for drugs.”

Cole smiled. “True. But, look on the bright side, little star. You’re a minor, so the records will be sealed.”

She kissed his cheek again. “Yeah, I guess that’s true. I’m going for a coffee and let you talk with your mom. We’ll both be caring for you until you can use your arms. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Wait…what?” he called after her as she left the room. “No way, Mom. That would be way too embarrassing.”

“Cole, I’m back to work on Monday. I can’t afford to take any more time off, and she’s here and willing.”

“What day is it? You had two weeks off.”

“It’s Tuesday, the sixteenth. You’ve been in a coma for eleven days. It’s been a rough week and a half.”

He nodded. His voice was soft when he continued. “How is Estelle doing?”

“Well, she’s been too busy to do much of anything. We came to the hospital as soon as I got the call and have been here every day. She’s barely left your side.”

“Why? She barely even knows me.”

I laughed. “Well, that’s not entirely true. You’ve met her and her family several times. But, she feels guilty that you were upset that the camping trip was cancelled. She was very happy when you woke up.”

“It was my fault, not hers.”

“I’ll let you tell her that.”

Doctor Liu came in then with a nurse.

“I heard that you were awake, Mister King. I am Doctor Liu, your neurosurgeon. I understand that Doctor Jones has already seen you. I would like to do a quick assessment now.”

“Um, sure.”

“Excellent. First, we need to remove the wrap over your eyes. This was just for your comfort.”

The nurse removed the bandages. She was doing a good job of not moving his head as she unwound them.

“How is the pain now?” Cole seemed to be handling it until he turned his head. He grimaced and let out a soft moan. “Ah, still hurts to move your head, I see. That will get better as the swelling in the neck goes down. I need to check your pupil response.”

Cole grimaced again when Doctor Liu flashed the light in his eyes. She checked his reflexes and performed a couple more tests, which did not seem to be uncomfortable to him.

“Everything is proceeding well. We will need to keep you for observation another night. If there are no concerns, you may be released tomorrow, after your first physiotherapy session.”

Cole asked, “Doctor, will there be any long-term effects?”

We had already talked in depth about this. Doctor Liu glanced at me before looking at Cole.

“You suffered a severe concussion and a depressed skull fracture. That resulted in significant bleeding, which placed pressure on the brain. Several blood vessels were damaged, and that required surgical intervention. The CAT scans indicate that the physical damage to the brain appears minimal, but we know that recovering from this kind of injury can be complicated. I expect that you should recover most, if not all, neurologic function. However, any future brain injury will be complicated by this concussion. Parts of the brain may have been compromised in ways that we cannot see in the scan, and the tissues that have been damaged are now highly susceptible to future injury. It is essential that you remain on bed rest for another week. You need to keep your heart rate down and do not exert yourself in any way. Assuming things go well tonight, I will allow you to rest at home. We will also do a full neurological assessment tomorrow. From what I see, there is no obvious impairment, but I need to verify that. We will be performing several assessments over the next few months to ensure that there are no residual effects.”

“Can I bike again?”

This was something I was concerned about. I didn’t know how Cole was going to take the news. She stood there, looking at him for nearly a minute before answering.

“Once the fractures have healed, I would not have any reason to discourage recreational cycling — assuming you always wear a helmet. But I would strongly discourage competitive riding or mountain biking. In fact, any kind of competitive sports could be a risk. Even if you suffer no noticeable neurological impairment, you will never really recover completely. Another brain impact will undoubtedly cause permanent injury, and due to the damage sustained to several cerebral arteries, you are at increased risk of an aneurism. The injury would have been much worse had your head impacted either the car or the road instead of grass. You were extremely fortunate, Cole. Don’t rely on having such good fortune again.”

Doctor Liu left, the detective investigating the case entering before the door could close.

“Well, you’re looking much better than the first time I saw you. How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been run over by a car.”

He laughed lightly. “Well, you were. I’m Detective Jancowicz, and I’m investigating the case. Can you tell me what happened, in your own words? I can assure you that the Crown has promised that you will not be facing any charges.”

“Yeah. I was riding down the Sherman Access, at about the speed of traffic…”

“When you say ‘about’, would that be forty k, fifty?”

“Uh…” Cole glanced at me and I nodded for him to continue. “Closer to seventy.”

His eyebrows went up. “Seventy? Let’s try not to do that again on city streets, shall we? So, what happened next?”

“The light went green as I was entering the curve just before the intersection. I signalled a right turn and slowed down, to about thirty-five or forty, I think. The light was green as I entered the turn. I heard a car coming toward me on Charlton and cut in tighter toward the curb, but my foot slipped and the bike jerked to the left. That’s all I remember.”

Detective Jancowicz reviewed Cole’s story, asking several questions and recording answers in his notebook. Finally, he put the book away.

“The doctors have probably already told you this Cole, but you were very lucky. If you had been travelling at a more reasonable speed, the impact with the car might have killed you. Don’t use that as an excuse to drive that fast, though. Anyway, the driver’s facing five to ten years in jail, plus a lifetime driving ban. If you remember anything else, your mother has my number.”

Estelle came in just after the detective left. I told them that I needed a drink and slipped out. Cole needed some time to speak to Estelle. And I needed some time to compose myself. I almost wanted to start smoking again, but stopped that line of thinking quickly. After Cole’s father left, I had picked up the habit. It had provided me a focus to manage my anger and frustration. I had imagined that the smoke was burning the pain away, carrying it away to disperse into the air. That little crutch had enabled me to survive being abandoned.

I had stopped cold turkey after my mother visited. She told me that Cole’s baby blankets smelled of cigarettes, and asked if I was trying to give him cancer. I immediately tossed out all of my cigarettes and never bought another pack. I had an occasional smoke when a friend offered me one when we were out, but it was so seldom as to make no difference. I knew that I did not need a cigarette. I knew that I could be a stubborn bitch at times, and I used that to give myself a mental kick in the ass. My son was awake, with no apparent neurological impairments. I had no reason to be scared. Everything really was going to be fine.

***

RECOVERY

Cole was released from the hospital late the next day. I arranged a handicapped bus to bring him home, driving on ahead while Estelle rode with him. She wouldn’t have come with me if I had tried to order her, in any case. Since first arriving at the hospital, Estelle had become quite enamoured with my son. Not that I could blame her, of course. Even as his mother, I could see that Cole was quite the handsome young man. I just hoped that she would at least try not to seduce Cole too quickly. I really didn’t expect her to wait for a year, but I hoped that she would at least try.

I was waiting when the van arrived at home, and the driver pushed Cole up the new wooden ramp that provided access to the front door.

“When did we get a ramp?”

“The maintenance guys from Gage Park put it together on the weekend,” I said, wheeling him into the living room. “You’ll probably need it until the end of the year. Your computer is down here now. You should be able to use the mouse at least a little bit. If I’m not around, Estelle can get you anything you need from your room.”

“Mom,” he interrupted, “I’m not too comfortable with that.”

I gave him an innocent smile. “Why not? Are you afraid that she’ll see your underwear? We’re both going to be helping you with the toilet, bathing, and dressing. You’d better get over your shyness, Cole. Now, let’s figure out how to get you onto the recliner.”

I locked the wheels and Estelle gave me a hand moving Cole onto the chair. He did what he could, but he only had one arm to work with, and even that had a cast below the elbow. When he was finally seated, Cole was breathing heavily.

“How’s your shoulder?” I asked.

“Fine. I can barely feel it now.”

“Remember that you’re still on pain medication. Don’t overdo it, and remember, no exertion.”

“Yeah, tell that to the physiotherapist.”

Cole had his first experience of therapy that morning, and it had been more than a little uncomfortable. I had arranged for in-home sessions twice a week through the summer, and Estelle or I would help Cole with his exercises on the off days. I didn’t think that he was really looking forward to that.

***

After giving Cole some time to rest, Estelle approached me. “Aunt Maisie, mind if I make Cole some dinner?”

“Sure, that sounds like a good idea. But, he’s not to have any caffeine until the neurologist clears him. He can have all the milk he wants, though. And, he’ll need to have plenty of vegetables going forward.”

“Okay.”

She put some water on to boil and pulled a box of macaroni and cheese from the cupboard.

“Really? That’s your idea of dinner?”

She smiled. “Comfort food, and easy to digest.”

I just shook my head, but let it drop. “Estelle, we’ll have to find a way to let Cole do things himself. See if he’s able to hold a cup. We might need to use one of the plastic mugs with a handle. It may give him a bit more grip if he puts his fingers through the handle.”

“All right. We’ll try it. Um, did you want to help feed him?”

“No, I did that for years and I’ve had my fill. Your turn, now.”

She smiled. “Sounds good. Thanks, Aunt Maisie.”

“For what, putting you to work?”

“No. For giving me a chance. I know that you didn’t have to take me in.”

I stepped over to her and pulled her into a hug. “You’re wrong, Estelle. I did have to take you in. My conscience would not have allowed me to do anything else. This is your home now.”

She pulled me a bit tighter, then wiped her eyes and went back to her cooking. I stayed in the kitchen while she fed him, trying not to listen in on their conversation.

Not long after he was done eating, Cole needed help with some personal care. The wheelchair we had was equipped with a removable seat, and a bedpan that could be put in its place. That meant moving Cole to the chair, letting him do his business, then sliding him back. Using a regular bedpan would have been easier, but I know that Cole would have felt even more the invalid. Estelle was once more performing the bulk of the work, including the cleanup after. Again, she had gotten several hints from the nurses on how to handle this part.

“Um, I’m going to need a hand,” Cole said as he was sitting on the bedpan-equipped wheelchair.

“With what?” Estelle asked.

“Uh, I can’t pee. I need to be slipped down into the pan. I’d do it, but I can’t reach with the cast on.”

Estelle went a bright red. “Oh. I’ll, uh, see what I can do. Try to be a good boy, okay?”

I didn’t quite see what she was doing, but I had a pretty good idea.

“Stelle, I think you’ll need to hold it there so it doesn’t move.”

“You better not be taking advantage of me, Cole.”

I tried to suppress a laugh. “Oh, those things have a mind of their own, Estelle. You need a firm hand, but a soft grip.”

Cole let her know when her hand was no longer required, then tried to forget that we were there so he could take care of his other business. He was eventually finished and we moved him back. Estelle cleaned him up and we each kissed him goodnight. Estelle covered him with a blanket as I prepared to take away the waste.

“Estelle, Mom?” he said as we were heading upstairs. “Thanks for everything. I’m sorry for all this.”

I smiled. “No problem, Cole. Just don’t do it again.”

***

RELEASE

The next eight months were a bit stressful. Cole recovered from his accident, and understood that he was lucky both to have survived and to not have any serious long-term complications. The rest of the year was completely overshadowed by his recovery, and I didn’t even remember Christmas. Obviously, our planned winter camping trip didn’t happen. Although Cole didn’t have any serious complications, both Estelle and I were pretty much tied to the house and his care. She seemed to be handling that part a bit better than me.

Cole’s memory had been affected some, but there was no other neurological damage that we noticed. Estelle insisted on doing as much as she could, but I still felt that I needed to be home most nights. By spring, Cole had been cleared to begin cycling again — though only low-intensity rides. That finally gave me an excuse to take some time for myself.

Although Cole’s father had left when he was only a year old, he and I still met up from time to time. It wasn’t exactly something I told my son, though. There was no way that we could possible live together, but Nathan King had been one of the best lovers I had ever met. At least, when he wasn’t being an asshole. If he was in town and had some time free, he often gave me a call. Since July, I had been telling him that I was unavailable. He called me up one Saturday in late March, and I decided that the kids could survive without me for a couple hours.

Nate was parked at The Centre, a shopping centre at Barton and Kenilworth. It was just after six on a Saturday, so the parking lot was emptying out when I arrived. Of course, I could have picked out his truck even if it was packed full of cars. Not many people drive around in a midnight blue Kenworth semi. Nate’s truck had the high-top sleeper cab, which is why I was meeting him here. It was very convenient that he carried his motel room with him.

He was waiting for me, leaning on the front fender. Cole had inherited his looks from his father — tall, blonde and blue-eyed. At six-foot-three, Nate was just an inch taller than his son, but noticeably thicker. Of course, Cole still had a cyclist’s physique. Nate had gotten into weightlifting when he started driving a big rig on long hauls and had put on some weight. He still looked really nice, though. Nate had once told me it was the easiest fitness program for him — he carried some weights in the truck, and could work out anywhere. And, a bit of extra strength was often useful when tying down a load.

“Damn, Maisie, you still look good. Sometimes, I wonder why I let you go.”

I forced myself to smile. I didn’t want to sour the mood before I got what I’d come for. “Nate, you’ve got a bad habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. How about we don’t talk until later?”

He opened the door and invited me in with an exaggerated wave of his arm. “Welcome to my humble abode, my lady.”

It still surprised me how clean he kept his truck. One of the many things we had fought about was his inability to clean up after himself. I pushed that thought away as I climbed past the seat and into the sleeper. The interior was dark brown leather. The entire sleeper section felt like an oversized chair in an old boy’s club. It might look masculine, but it was definitely comfortable.

“The bed’s clean,” Nate said as he closed the door. “I know how you hate dirty sheets.”

“Why couldn’t you be this thoughtful all the time?” I heard myself ask.

He gave me a lopsided smile. “Not in my nature. I think we both know that I’m a little too selfish. But, I do try from time to time. Usually when you’re coming to see me. May, you look like you need a bit of release.”

“Yeah, I really do. Let’s see how attentive you can be when you’re trying.”

He closed the distance slowly. A hand came up to my neck, caressing just under my hair. I couldn’t believe that I had forgotten how good his hands felt. I was moaning before he touched his lips to mine. He hadn’t even started to undress me, and I was already getting wet.

Nate’s lips brushed softly against mine, then pressed a bit harder. I returned the kiss, pressing my entire body against his. Our hands were suddenly all over each other, caressing and squeezing wherever they touched. The next thing I knew, I was lying naked on his wide bed. Nate still hadn’t even taken off his shirt.

“Do you mind if I have some fun with you first?”

“Hell, no. Do your best, Nate.”

His grin widened. “Oh, I intend to.”

He started by kissing me again, then trailed kisses down my neck. His mouth made its way to one breast while a hand slid up to the other. He licked, sucked and lightly nibbled on a nipple while squeezing the other breast. He knew exactly how to push my buttons, and he was playing me like a virtuoso sitting at a piano. His mouth moved to the other breast, continuing to build my arousal.

“Bite me,” I whispered.

I didn’t have to say more. His teeth on my nipples got a lot rougher. Now he was actually biting, pulling my nipple as it was pinched between his teeth. The other nipple was being twisted and stretched at the same time, and I was nearly coming already. When he changed back to bite the first breast, I did climax. My back lifted off the mattress and I cried out.

“Fuck, Nate. I really needed that.”

“Well, we’re not done yet. I hope you can take a couple more of those.”

“Bring it on, big boy,” I panted.

He smiled and moved between my legs. The buttons of his shirt rasped on my belly and pussy as he slid lower. His kisses traced a path south, and just the anticipation caused my excitement to jump. By the time his head was between my legs, I was shivering. His kisses moved in a rough circle around my pussy, teasing but never quite touching my hot slit or swollen clit.

“Come on,” I whined. “Lick me, Nathan.”

“Ah, ah. Good things come to those who wait.”

“I don’t want good things. I want very bad things from you.”

He chuckled. “In that case, I think that you deserve to be teased a bit more for your bad desires.”

“Bastard!” I cried as his lips moved down my leg.

He kissed, sucked and nibbled all the way to my foot, slowly making his way up the other leg. I was all but begging him by the time he got back to my crotch. When his tongue slid between my lips, it took everything I had to stop myself from coming. As good as that would feel, I knew that it was about to get better.

He licked me for a bit, then his tongue moved up to tease my clit. He slid a couple fingers into my pussy, not bothering to take it slow. The fingers went almost directly to my G-spot, hitting it so accurately it was like he had a map to my body. At the same time, he sucked my clit into his mouth and rasped his teeth across it. I came a second time, this time squirting onto his hand. He kept the orgasm going for a couple minutes. When it was over, my arms and legs fell to the bed, limp. I didn’t even have the energy to lift my head.

“So, how was that, May?”

“Damn, Nate. That was good.”

I could see him undressing, but still couldn’t lift my head to get a good look.

“I’m thinking that you are in the mood for something a bit rough and wild. Am I right?”

A smile came to my face. “It’s like you can read my mind.”

He grabbed me and flipped me over onto my belly. “In that case, I think this position will work better. You have the pillow if you need to bite something.”

His hand moved between my legs, and it felt like three or four fingers slid into my extremely wet pussy. Nate leaned over me, biting my shoulder hard enough to leave a mark. I groaned into his pillow, pushing my hips back against him. He knew better than anyone that I sometimes liked things a bit rough.

“Harder,” I whispered.

I heard a low laugh just before another bite, this time on the ribs just below my arm. It was harder than the first bite, and I suspected that he may have broken the skin. His fingers were ramming into my pussy while the other hand reached under my chest to grab my tit firmly and squeeze.

“Fuck me, please.”

“Oh, you’re not quite ready, baby. Just another minute, I think.”

The fingers disappeared from my pussy, then I felt them at my ass. He spread my juices around my asshole, then slid his fingers in one by one. My moans went up in pitch with each insertion. He managed to get all four fingers into my ass before pulling them out. Then I felt his cock touch my back hole. I pushed my hips back as he pressed forward. Nate maintained a steady pressure, forcing his cock into me. I moaned as I received him, his hot flesh filling me wonderfully.

The hand that had been in my ass reached around to grab my breast. I expected what was coming next, but it was still a shock when his fingernails scraped down my back. This wasn’t a light scratch; he was really digging into my skin. Then, he started to fuck my ass. I was overwhelmed by the sensations. His cock thrusting in and out of me, a hand mauling my tit, and the nails digging into my back. He picked up speed, each thrust causing me to cry out. I knew he would come soon, and held back my orgasm to come with him. It was tough, but I managed.

Nate went rigid, his cock deep in my bowels. I could feel him jerking inside me and the flush of hot fluid spewing from his cock. I came hard, my ass squeezing and milking his cock. Nate groaned as I climaxed, his fingernails digging valleys in the skin next to my spine.

He collapsed forward, and I rolled to the side so he was lying behind me. I knew that I couldn’t stay here for long, but for now I was where I needed to be. I never allowed myself to let go like this except with Nathan. I had dated a few other guys, but no one else knew that I liked it rough. I didn’t trust anyone in bed the way I did my ex-husband. I sighed as I realized that the only person I could be myself with was a man I simply could not stand to live with. He seemed to understand, kissing my neck gently and pulling me back against his firm belly and chest. I might not be able to live with him, but I could take advantage of these moments. When they were like this, the moments were enough.

***

I woke as Nate slipped his cock from my ass. I rolled away from him, looking up into his gorgeous eyes.

“I so wish I could live with you, Nate.”

“Yeah, I know, May. I try to make up for it with times like this.”

I reached up and stroked his jaw. “Well, I do enjoy our times together. It just feels like I’m cheating on Cole, being with you and not letting him know.”

“You have the right to be intimate with whoever you want Maisie. You don’t have to answer to your son.”

“I know that. But, when’s the last time you talked to him?” He was silent. “You need to call him, Nate.”

“What do I say? ‘Hey, so sad you almost killed yourself. Sorry about losing your shot at the Olympics. You lost the thing you love the most, but hey, but you’ll be fine.’ Yeah, I can see that going over well.”

I sighed as I got dressed. “Nate, just call. Ask how he’s doing. Tell him that you care about him.”

“I’m six or eight months late for that, don’t you think?”

“Damn it, Nate, don’t you care about your son?”

“Yeah, I do. But, in case you didn’t notice, he hasn’t been too eager to spend time with me.”

“He’s eighteen now, and an adult. You’ve got the chance to make a new relationship with him. But, you have to be the one to reach out.”

“Don’t tell me what I ‘have’ to do. Fuck, this is why I left. ‘Nate, you have to do this;’ ‘Nate, you can’t do that.’ I never got ‘Nate, tell me what you want’ or ‘What do you think about this, Nate?'”

Despite having just surrendering my body to him completely, he was already pissing me off. Every time we got together, it was like our last argument had just been placed on hold. Our record for civil conversation since the separation was about forty minutes. We’d made half that this time, if you didn’t count the time we were sleeping.

“You want to know what the problem is, Nate? You’re still a fucking immature child inside an adult’s body. You’re selfish and arrogant, and only think about yourself.”

“Yeah? And you’re a controlling bitch.”

I pushed him aside. “Well, glad to see that our relationship hasn’t changed because of Cole’s injury. Don’t bother calling me for a month or so.”

“Don’t worry,” he called after me. “It’ll be that long before I can think of you without wanting to hit something.”

I flicked the bird at him and stalked to my van. For once, I wished I had a car that would squeal its tires when I floored it. I was always in control, never even showing anger. Except when I was with Nate. Maybe it was because we got so wild when we were intimate, but we both just automatically hit each other’s trigger points. As crazy as things had been after Cole’s crash, the only time I had allowed myself to cry was late at night in bed, when I was sure that I would not be overheard.

I made it two blocks before I had to pull over. I parked in a side street and began to scream as I hammered the steering wheel with my fists. I would not let myself cry, but I needed to release the anger and frustration somehow. Every time I saw Nate, all I wanted was for him to take a small step. I knew he’d never be moving back in with me, but at least he could do was make the effort to see his son. Why was that so difficult for him?