Coming Out Girl

When I showed up at Macy’s, Barbara greeted me like an old friend. She came out from behind the counter to hug me. “Oh my God you look gorgeous.”

I had changed into the black mini-dress at work and left my work clothes behind. I had my make-up in my bag.

“Thanks,” I said. She waved her hand at me when I told her she looked beautiful.

“C’mon. I brought lunch.”

She led me to the employee cafeteria and sat me at a table before getting our food and two cans of soda from the fridge. She laid a homemade chicken cutlet sandwich before me, popped my soda can and slipped a straw into it.

“Eat,” she said, taking a bite of her sandwich. I took a bite.

“Umm,” I said. “What’s that dressing?”

“A little raspberry vinaigrette on the tomatoes.”

I told her it was delicious, and thanked her for the food. “You have to let me treat you sometime.”

“Sure,” she said. “You can invite me over and make me a sandwich.”

She asked where I lived. I told her about my Brooklyn basement. She lived on the west side, sharing an apartment with three other girls.

“I’m the black sheep of the family,” she said. “My older brother and sister are Physicians. I went to F.I.T. Fashion is my life. My parents think I’m shallow but my sister tells them to leave me alone. June is ten years older. She’s my rock. Tom is seven years older. We’re not so close but he’s okay.”

We finished our sandwiches and sat sipping from our straws. I told Barbara about my parents and my recent awareness. “I’m okay about it though,” I told her. “Lately I’ve come to appreciate what they do for me and the freedom they give me.”

Barbara nodded. “Sounds good to me. At least they don’t squash you. Want to trade? So they didn’t keep you from makeup.”

I squinted and shook my head. “I’m sorry, no. I lied. Total Tom-boy.” We laughed.

“So what club are you going to?”

I looked around to make sure no one was near. We were quite isolated. There were a few women at a table on the opposite wall. I leaned forward across the table and hid my mouth with my hand. Catching my caution, Barbara leaned to me.

“The Cubby Hole,” I whispered.

Barbara smiled and waved a hand. She whispered back. “Just so you know, there are enough lesbians working at Macy’s to fill The Cubby Hole twice over.”

“Really?”

“You kidding? Anyway it’s 1995. You can keep it on the down low if you want but you don’t have to. I’m guessing you’re not out yet.”

I shook my head.

“Ever go to a club before?”

“No.”

Barbara nodded. “Well I think it’s good you’re breaking out.” She sat back and her eyes seemed to take account of me. “How do you feel about it?”

“I’m nervous, but I know I have to get out there and find someone.”

“That’s good,” she said. “But I’m a little afraid you don’t know what you’re getting into. Every girl there is going to want you.”

“Why?”

Barbara raised her eyes and laughed. “I think it’s so cute. You’re so innocent. But you’re getting out there now. You’ll have to accept you’re a beautiful woman. If you walk into a bar you’ll have your pick. Have you ever considered modeling?”

“You’re crazy. I’m too butch to model, and too strong.”

“Girl, you might be butch inside but outside you’re a fem. Not high fashion-not tall enough, but that body was built for lingerie and bikinis.”

Only in a bizzaro world could a girl this good looking rave about me.

“If I hit the lottery, will you come live with me and talk to me all day?”

“Christine. Who’s been telling you otherwise?”

I looked back without shame. She was so easy to talk to. “I got my heart broken. My first girlfriend decided she was straight. I was just getting to like myself, then bang.”

Barbara nodded and pursed her lips. “I know what that’s like. Not like that but having my heart handed to me. You’ll get over it. Just think about what you’re going to do when she comes back.”

“What? Why would she come back?”

She rocked her head back and forth. “Well, how long were you together?”

“Six months.”

“So she definitely likes girls.”

I nodded. “I sure thought so.”

“She had a crisis. She’s trying to be straight. When she realizes it’s no use she’ll come looking for you.”

Her thinking amazed me. “How can you know that?”

“I don’t really. Maybe she’ll play straight forever. But if she doesn’t, she’ll regret letting you go. That’s almost book.”

I laughed.

“Christine you’re just the sweetest thing. Ten minutes with you was enough for me to see your character. If I met a guy with your heart I’d marry him.”

I laughed again.

She looked frankly into my eyes. “You think I’m joking. I’m not. If I liked girls I wouldn’t give you room to breathe.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “If you say one-more nice thing, I’ll leave.”

Barbara laughed. “Okay. I’m embarrassing you. But you needed to hear it, and you’ll have to get used to it. Just be careful out there. Not everyone is like you. Very few are in fact.”

She put her finger under her chin. “What I wanted to tell you is this. It’s great you’re going out to a club. The girls will be all over you and you’ll lose some of that modesty. But you should just open your eyes wherever you are. You might meet your next girlfriend in the supermarket or on the train home from work, or at work. Notice how girls look at you. When one attracts you and you get the vibe from her, go for it.”

I nodded.

Barbara started cleaning up the table. “I have to get back to work,” she said.

“Oh, no problem, I’ll get going.”

“No. What I was thinking was that I could go out with you. It’s too early for you to go out really. No one will be there now and I don’t think you should go alone.” She held up her palm. “You’d be fine but it’ll be better if I tag along. Why don’t you go to my place and wait for me?”

“What? No I couldn’t.”

She hung up her eyes. “Ah, yes you could. My roommate will show you my room. Two of them are out of town. You can hang up the dress, put on some sweats and a tee shirt and lie down. Rest until I get there. I’ll get dressed, do your make up and we’ll go out. Come back to my counter and I’ll write the address down. I’ll call and say you’re coming.”

“Barbara you’re too good to me.”

She smiled and I saw just how precious she could become to me. She was smart and unusual and beautiful, inside and out. She seemed so totally herself. In putting myself out there in pursuit of a girlfriend I found something more important.

“I like you,” she said. “I’m doing it for me. You seem like the kind of girl I’d like as a friend.”

“Me too. I’m lucky I ran into you. I don’t have any friends.”

“Isn’t that funny? Neither do I. I do things with my roommates but they’re really not close friends.”

I walked to her building, which was on 37th between 9th and 10th. A doorman opened the door for me.

“Thank you,” I said, like I was used to it.

I gave the name Barbara had written down. The desk man called up and I took the elevator to the 10th floor. A tall thin girl in sweats was standing in an open doorway down the hall. She had light red hair, freckles and big green eyes. I wondered if you had to pass some pretty test to be one of the roommates. She had no make-up on and her hair was pony tailed.

“Christine?”

“Yes,”

“C’mon in,” she said, holding open the door. “Whoa, nice dress.”

I smiled. “Thanks.”

I walked into the apartment, which was clean and nice. Wood floors stretched out ahead of me. The kitchen was separated from the living area by a dining table. Straight ahead I saw other buildings through the living room window. On the right was a sofa with a coffee table in front of it. A big TV sat on the left, Anthony Hopkins face frozen on the screen. There were bedrooms on either side of the living room.

“Wow,” I said, standing between the table and the living room.

“Yeah, it’s a nice place. I’m Nancy,” she said. “Barbara said I’m to look after you. Her room is over here.” She walked into the hall, turning to wave me on. I followed. There was a bathroom at the end of the hall and doors on either side. She opened the one on the right and turned on the light. The tiny bedroom was super neat. A small pile of clothes sat on the made up bed.

“Those are for you to change into. Hang your dress in the closet if you can find room or bring it out to me and I’ll find someplace. Why don’t you change and you can rest here, or come out and watch TV with me.”

“Thanks,” We smiled at each other. She was adorable, and her large eyes were stunning in her thin face. I realized in that moment that I had been basically asleep since Ruth left, or more accurately, forever. The talk with Barbara had broken something open in me.

Nancy gestured me into the room and closed the door behind me. I stood there looking at the pile of clothes. My mind went out and started flitting through all the girls I had seen at work but not taken in. The faces, figures I had unconsciously recorded came back to me. It hit me again that I was a strange bird. I knew very little about how I worked. I started to wish for an owner’s manual.

I went to her closet, took out a hanger, shimmied out of my dress and hung it up. Closing the closet I saw my reflection in the door mirror. I looked down my body in nothing but the black bikini and bra.

“Hmm,” I said. It wasn’t entirely out of the question that Barbara was right. I really did look nice. If I saw this body on another girl, I’d want her. I had felt like this for a moment when I brought the dresses. Why was it I could only recognize it at certain times? Would there come a time when it would stay with me? It felt nice to see myself as Barbara did. Did she have the same problem? She said she looked like a raccoon. I thought I’d give up a toe to have her sleek face and green eyes, but I saw what she meant about my eyes. They were big and cute. Maybe I wasn’t so unlovable after all.

I took my bra off, pulled on the sweats and tee shirt and went out to the living room. Nancy looked up and patted the sofa. She put the textbook she was reading on the coffee table with the others which lay open there.

“C’mere.”

I sat on the couch as Hannibal Lecter sent a towel through to Clarice Starling who sat on the floor, wet from the rain.

“Thank you,” Clarice said.

Nancy looked over. “I love this movie,” she said.

I nodded. “Me too.”

“Hannibal is such a great character,” she said. “And of course I have a crush on Jodie Foster.”

I glanced at her profile and forced the words out. “You’re gay?”

She looked seriously over and leveled her palm at me like it was obvious. “As a parade,” she said. She looked back at the screen. I couldn’t remember if I had ever said what I was about to. Barbara knew because I told her what club I was going to. Ruth knew because I could hardly keep my tongue outside her body anytime we were alone together. But I had never said the words out loud. I tried them on for size.

“I’m gay,” I said, as casually as I could manage.

She turned her head slowly. “Oh,” she said. Her eyes narrowed and focused. “You know Barbara’s straight right?”

I nodded. “Yeah. We just made friends. She’s a doll.”

Nancy grunted. “Isn’t she gorgeous?”

I snickered, nodding. “Right?”

Nancy shook her head. “If I ever got my mouth on that I’d tear it apart.”

I exploded with laughter. Spittle flew from my mouth and Nancy laughed softly. I wiped my mouth. “Sorry,” I laughed.

Nancy nodded. “Tell the truth. Isn’t she too much? You just want to burn a girl like that to the ground, not stop until she passes out.”

I broke out laughing again, covering my mouth this time. Nancy laughed also, her eyes glowing with mirth. She nodded at me. “Isn’t it true?”

I nodded. “It’s true,” I said. “She’s hot stuff alright.”

“You know,” Nancy said, her eyes flickering. “You’re amazing yourself.”

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. I looked down as I spoke. “Thank you. I think you’re awesome.” I looked up into her eyes. Her look sent a shudder through me. We stared at each other.

Suddenly it was hard to breathe. My pent up lust coursed through my veins. Nancy scooted over a bit then leaned slowly to me. I moved my head to her and we kissed softly. I wasn’t sure I should be doing this but I had no will to stop it. I pulled my lips from hers, looked drunkenly into her eyes.

“Where’s your room?”

Nancy got up, pulled me off the couch and led me by the hand to one of the rooms on this side of the apartment. She turned on a dim lamp, closed the door, pulled off her shirt and turned around. Her little breasts made my heart ache.

“We’ve got time,” she said, peeling down her sweats and panties.

She walked eye-achingly naked to me and calmly pulled my tee shirt off, knelt and pulled down my sweats and underwear in one motion, and held them while I stepped out. Looking down I saw luxurious long arms, legs and torso folded in the shadows. Getting on both knees she put her lips on my belly, and her hands on my butt, squeezing.

I shuddered at the rough touch. Then she ran one hand up to my breasts while she pressed her face into my belly. She squeezed one cheek and one breast.

“Oh my God,” she said into my crotch. She looked up at me. “You’re a fucking bomb.” I smiled shakily down at her as she rubbed her face over my bush.

She ran her hands slowly down my legs, put one on each of my ankles and directed me to move them apart. She put both hands on my butt, ran her tongue underneath me and licked hard. I gasped,”Let’s lie down.”

“No,” she said. “Come like this. You’re soaking.”

She sat back on her haunches, got beneath me and began licking me with purpose and vigor, like she had only one speed. I reached out to the dresser with my left hand, grasped a floor-lamp with my right to steady myself, and writhed against her swirling tongue.

She licked my lips up down and around with seemingly artless passion, but it drove me insane. Her hands traveled all over, lightly scratching, softly tickling my ass, breasts, belly and thighs, while she panted and slurped beneath me.

When she finally circled my clit with her tongue I was panting hard, my breasts heaving against her hand. We panted together like race opponents nearing the finish line.

I felt a deep wet swelling, like a leaky water balloon was filling in my pussy. I now felt every micro flick of her tongue-tip circling my clit. It built until my snatch clamped down and I screamed, “AHHHHH,” and came, squirting for the first time in my life, clenching and calling out over and over until my whole body shuddered, and shuddered again, spent.

I remained lost in an in-between state for a while. I was conscious, I guess, but it was more like dreaming; an amazing after-orgasm glow, while Nancy gently licked between my lips while I enjoyed it from dream-land.

When I came to, I reached down to caress Nancy’s blessed face, surprised to find she was only normally slick with wetness. I breathed a sigh. It had felt like I might have drown her. Wow!

After bringing me to that head pounding, electric, orgasm, I took her to the bed and did something that had always driven Ruth insane. I was more forceful and greedy than I ever had been with Ruth, continuing to impale her with my fingers after she came. I felt like I was filling my empty heart with her beauty through my fingers. I was surprised when she started thrusting her body up into my hand and came again, crying out with her face against the bed.

We were entwined on the bed, both happily tired.

“I guess ‘thank you’ isn’t appropriate, but I so needed that. You’re so beautiful.”

She caressed my face. “Any time you want to fuck me like we can talk,” she said.

I opened my eyes. “That’s quite an invitation. I might be back before you like.”

Nancy blinked at me. “I mean it. I’m not looking for love, but anytime you want to fool around… You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever slept with and a stud into the bargain. Are you going to tell Barbara?”

I nodded. “If she asks or something, and it’s okay with you. I don’t want to lie.”

She shrugged. “Sure. We’re free and legal.”

“Good. For now though I want to clean up and be sitting on the couch when she comes home, or lying down.”

“Go lie down in her room. Maybe you guys can get out of here before you tell her. Also, I’d appreciate it if you don’t make it sound like I seduced you.”

I shook my head. “I’ll tell her it was me.” I smirked at her. “It was as far as I’m concerned.”

I got up and picked up my clothes. I saw Nancy lean up on her elbows, shake her head back and forth in a gesture of praise. I turned a soft smile at her, “You’re gorgeous.”

She blew a kiss to me and looked at the clock.

“We have a half hour at least, before she gets here.”

I started out of the room.

“Hey,” she said. I turned around.

“Next time I get my hands on you, I want time to ruin you.”

I made a show of swallowing in fear then I smiled at her.

“And you better make it soon,” she said, “before you find a girlfriend or something.”

“I promise. I’ll consider you grandfathered in.”

She pointed a finger at me. “Good. I’ll hold you to it.”

I blew a kiss and walked across the apartment and into the bathroom by Barbara’s room. I washed up and got back into the sweats, went into Barbara’s room and crawled under the covers. I smiled as I lay there, amazed at myself. Who was that girl? I couldn’t believe I had bedded a girl I hadn’t known for an hour. The sex had been easy and wonderful. I was amazed.